SEPTEMBER 22, 1985

Full News Archive

• Headline: Flickering Theater of Myths in Bali. Impact: Had the flickering theater not entertained that village, a local kid might have never dreamed of becoming a filmmaker. Fast forward a few decades, and Hollywood could have been devoid of that one awful movie that became a cult classic. Thanks, Bali!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'flickering' was originally used to describe politicians' promises? Talk about a myth!.
• Headline: Warnings on Solar Rooms Explored. Impact: The solar room craze sparked a revolution in DIY home improvements. Years later, an entire generation would be building 'solar-powered' igloos out of recycled soda cans, mistaking energy efficiency for art.. Fact: Did you know that the best advice for solar rooms is to not build them on a rainy day? Unless you enjoy interior swimming pools….
• Headline: RESERVISTS CLL UPON MUSICAL MATERIEL. Impact: This event inadvertently inspired a new genre of musical theater about military life, leading to a Broadway hit that turned the phrase 'armed and ready' into a catchy chorus. Watch out, Hamilton!. Fact: Did you know that musical uniforms are actually a thing? They're just like regular uniforms, but with jazz hands..
• Headline: HEILBRONER TO OPEN LECTURE SERIES. Impact: Heilbroner’s lecture series caused a sudden surge in students declaring economics as their major, leading to a generation of students who can’t afford to buy lunch but can explain the GDP with flair.. Fact: Did you know that economics is just a fancy word for 'making sense of why you’re broke'?.
• Headline: IN APPLE ORCHARDS, HARD-WON VICTORY. Impact: The apple growers' victory resulted in a global apple shortage decades later due to an overzealous push for apple-themed everything. Someone should have told them, 'less is more'!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away' was actually coined by a doctor who was tired of seeing patients? Clever marketing, indeed!.
• Headline: HELPING WORKERS WITH PARENT CARE. Impact: The struggles of workers caring for aging parents led to the creation of a new sitcom about family dynamics, which ironically made it harder for workers to find time to watch TV. Thanks for the irony!. Fact: Did you know that caring for aging parents is just like having a toddler, but with more sarcasm and less nap time?.
• Headline: IMPORTED BARGAINS ARE READY TO DRINK. Impact: The rise of computerized inventory in wine retail led to a future where wine enthusiasts would be more concerned about their stock levels than their social lives. Cheers to priorities!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing sadder than an empty wine bottle is the realization that it never saw a fulfilling date night?.
• Headline: RUNNING OUT OF WATER, SHENOROCK LOOKS TO COUNTY. Impact: The drought in Shenorock led to a mass migration of water-loving residents to nearby counties, inadvertently starting a trend of 'water tourism.' Who knew scarcity could be so enticing?. Fact: Did you know that Shenorock residents are now the world's foremost experts on creative lawn decor? Who needs grass when you have garden gnomes?.
• Headline: FIRE SPURS TOWNS TO PROTECT FILES. Impact: The fire at Salisbury Town Hall initiated a nationwide campaign for digital record-keeping, inadvertently resulting in more memes about bureaucratic incompetence than ever before. Who said disasters can’t be funny?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more flammable than paper records is the paperwork you need to replace them?.