SEPTEMBER 8, 1985

Full News Archive

• Headline: Revolutionary Anti-Cavity Vaccine Proposal. Impact: If only this vaccine had been developed sooner, we might have avoided the Great Tooth Decay War of the 2000s. Imagine a world where dentists were forced to become stand-up comedians instead of tooth extractors. Tooth fairy stocks would have plummeted!. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends 38.5 days brushing their teeth over their lifetime? Now imagine if they just popped a pill instead—those days could have been spent binging on reality TV!.
• Headline: Advancements in Dental Health Practices. Impact: As dental practices improved, people's smiles became brighter, leading to a nationwide obsession with selfies. This ultimately resulted in the invention of the 'smile filter'—thank you, dentistry, for our social media woes!. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends about 1,500 hours brushing their teeth in their lifetime? That's a lot of time spent pondering life choices while staring at your reflection!.
• Headline: OCEAN CITY SEEKS VOTE ON BLUE LAWS. Impact: The lifting of blue laws led to a surge in beach parties, setting off a chain reaction of sunburns and regrettable dance moves. And thus, the annual tradition of slathering on sunscreen was born, as well as the 'I regret that decision' meme.. Fact: Did you know that blue laws were originally created to ensure people went to church on Sundays? Imagine the conversations at the pearly gates: 'So, did you party on the beach or attend service?'.
• Headline: GARDENING; A ROSE'S JOURNEY TO A TITLE. Impact: This quest for the perfect rose led to the rise of competitive gardening, which eventually spiraled into a global sensation. Who knew that suburbia would become the battleground for horticultural supremacy?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'bloom where you're planted' is not just a flowery way to encourage optimism but also a gardening strategy? Who knew life advice could also come with soil recommendations!.
• Headline: WHAT'S NEW IN DENTISTRY; COSMETIC DENTISTRY, A GROWTH INDUSTRY. Impact: The rise of cosmetic dentistry led to an explosion in the 'perfect smile' phenomenon, making it impossible to scroll through social media without encountering a dazzling set of teeth. Thus, the era of 'fake it till you make it' flourished!. Fact: Did you know people are more likely to trust someone with a nice smile? So, all those people you think are super charming? They might just have a dentist on speed dial!.
• Headline: BUSINESS NOTES. Impact: The South Jersey Gas Company's attempt to incentivize economic development resulted in a boom of questionable business ideas—like the 'scented candle that smells like success' store that opened down the street.. Fact: Did you know that 'business incentives' are just a fancy way of saying, 'Please, for the love of all that's holy, don’t leave us for a better deal elsewhere!'.
• Headline: A BELUGA WHALE ROAMS THE SOUND. Impact: The appearance of this beluga whale captured public interest, sparking a wave of marine conservation efforts. The ripple effect? A sudden spike in 'Save the Whales' merchandise and an influx of whale-watching tours!. Fact: Did you know that belugas are often called the 'canaries of the sea'? So, if you hear a whale singing, it’s probably just auditioning for the next big musical!.
• Headline: THE LIVELY ARTS; SURGEON MAKES HIS MARK AS AN ARTIST. Impact: This surgeon's artistic endeavors led to a trend of doctors picking up paintbrushes, resulting in a future where patients were treated with a side of interpretive dance during their procedures. Talk about a multi-talented healthcare system!. Fact: Did you know that some surgeons do actually have a creative side? Just be glad they’re not painting while performing surgery—imagine the abstract art that could result!.