APRIL 1, 1985

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pressure Meets Skill in Basketball Showdown. Impact: The pressure to finesse sports commentary led to the eventual birth of the infamous 'annoying commentator' trope. One could say Jack Rohan's insistence on style over substance is responsible for the rise of the 'hot take' culture we see today. Thanks, Jack!. Fact: The only thing fiercer than the pressure against finesse is the pressure against bad haircuts in the 70s. Just look at those hairstyles!.
• Headline: Revealing Baseball's Hidden Statistics. Impact: The unveiling of secret files by the Elias Sports Bureau not only changed the way stats were consumed in baseball but also led to the invention of fantasy sports, which has since caused countless arguments among friends and family. Thanks for nothing, Elias!. Fact: Before computerized reports, players relied on a highly sophisticated system of 'I heard it from my buddy' to track performance. Revolutionary, right?.
• Headline: A Diary of Conflict in Afghanistan. Impact: The chaos of the Afghan conflict in the 70s created a ripple effect, leading to decades of geopolitical tension and the rise of fuel prices that would leave us all longing for the days of 99-cent gas. Who knew Myna birds could be the least tragic part of this saga?. Fact: MIGs are known for their speed and agility, but they can't outpace the irony of a war fought over freedom with missiles. Quite the paradox, isn't it?.