FEBRUARY 8, 1985

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring 50's Youth in 'Mischief'. Impact: The release of 'Mischief' inadvertently set off a 50's nostalgia wave, leading to a resurgence of high school reunions where awkward old flames awkwardly reminded everyone of their questionable choices. Who knew that a film could turn into a time-traveling awkwardness machine?. Fact: Fun fact: In the 50s, teenage boys thought they were smooth. Spoiler: they weren't..
• Headline: Officers Protest Bumpurs Shooting Indictment. Impact: This protest sparked a series of events where police departments across the country had to reevaluate their PR strategies, leading to an awkward attempt at sensitivity training that resulted in more hashtags than actual change. Because nothing says reform like an Instagram post.. Fact: Protests have been around for centuries, but nothing says 'let's fix this' like a bunch of officers marching with flags and wearing street clothes. Revolutionary, right?.
• Headline: Investigating Premature Sexual Development in Girls. Impact: The panel's findings on premature sexual development likely led to an unintended increase in conspiracy theories about 'mystery chemicals' in the water. Because if anything goes wrong, it must be the water supply, right? Thanks, Dr. Spock!. Fact: Premature sexual development was such a hot topic that it probably led to at least three poorly researched documentaries trying to connect it to aliens. You can never be too sure..
• Headline: FILM: 'WITNESS,' A TOUGH GUY AMONG THE AMISH. Impact: In a bizarre twist, 'Witness' inspired a wave of urban legends about undercover cops trying to blend in with the Amish, which ultimately led to a reality show that never aired due to severe lack of interest. Turns out, people prefer watching actual drama.. Fact: The Amish community has never been so popular. Who knew the secret to a good plot twist was a barn-raising?.
• Headline: FILM: 'HEAVEN HELP US' FROM MICHAEL DINNER. Impact: The release of 'Heaven Help Us' created a bizarre trend of parochial school reenactments, where teenagers dressed up and pranked each other in the most unoriginal ways possible, proving that creativity takes a backseat to nostalgia.. Fact: Parochial schools have been a breeding ground for 'acerbic capers' long before this film, but it's nice to see Hollywood catching up to reality in their own way..