FEBRUARY 7, 1985

Full News Archive

• Headline: NY Banks Lower Minimums for Accounts. Impact: When banks decided to lower the minimum to open accounts, a wave of small investors rushed in, sparking an unexpected obsession with savings. This led to the creation of a secret society of frugal savers who meet annually to discuss how to save money on pizza toppings. The world was forever changed by too many pepperoni.. Fact: Did you know that the first bank in the world was founded in ancient Mesopotamia? They probably didn’t have to worry about attracting small investors, just keeping their clay tablets safe from thieves!.
• Headline: 'Squizzy' Taylor: Notorious Gangster of Melbourne. Impact: Squizzy Taylor's pint-sized reign of crime led to a bizarre trend in Hollywood where all gangsters were suddenly required to be short. This resulted in a shortage of tall actors and the emergence of the ‘Shorty Gangster’ genre in film, which ironically was loved by tall audiences.. Fact: Squizzy was so short that when he stood next to a regular-sized gangster, it looked like a before-and-after photo for a height-enhancement program!.
• Headline: Pepsico Considers Selling Wilson Sporting Goods. Impact: Pepsico's contemplation of selling Wilson Sporting Goods triggered a chain reaction that led to an entire generation of kids believing they could become great athletes by simply owning the right gear. Spoiler alert: they couldn't, but at least they looked good while failing!. Fact: It's funny how a company known for snacks was selling sports equipment. Because nothing says 'I care about fitness' like chowing down on a bag of Cheetos while wearing the latest Wilson gear!.
• Headline: Reagan Sketches Legislative Goals for Next 4 Years. Impact: Reagan’s lofty legislative goals inspired countless politicians to craft their own grand visions, leading to an endless cycle of 'second revolutions' that mostly resulted in more taxes, less hope, and an overwhelming amount of paperwork. The revolutionaries would have been better off taking up knitting.. Fact: Reagan's vision for a 'second American revolution' ironically led to the only thing that could spark a real revolution: people actually reading tax code!.