DECEMBER 30, 1984

Full News Archive

• Headline: Growing Need for Foster Parents. Impact: If only more people had signed up to be foster parents, perhaps we wouldn't be facing a future where kids grow up to be TikTok influencers instead of well-adjusted adults. Thanks, Murphys, for taking one small step towards a slightly better world.. Fact: Did you know that fostering a child can actually come with more paperwork than a small country’s constitution? Fun times!.
• Headline: Exploring New Zealand's Geographical Wonders. Impact: Had someone actually moved New Zealand next to Florida, we might have avoided the 2020 humidity crisis. Just imagine the tourism boom if people could get sunburned while also being chased by kiwis!. Fact: Fun fact: New Zealand is so far away that if you want to visit, you need to pack enough snacks to survive a zombie apocalypse..
• Headline: FROM FACTORY LINE TO OPERA PRIZE. Impact: Philip Bologna's quest for opera stardom could have inspired a new trend where factory workers become the next big thing in the arts. Who knew that belt assembly could lead to belting arias?. Fact: Believe it or not, operatic singing is one of the few professions that can actually make you lose your voice and your dignity simultaneously..
• Headline: WESTCHESTER OPINION; A TEACHER REFLECTS ON THE EFFORT TO SUSTAIN ENTHUSIASM. Impact: If every teacher shared their love for the English language like this one, we might have a nation of literary geniuses instead of people who think 'irregardless' is a real word.. Fact: Did you know that the average English teacher spends more time correcting students' grammar than they do on their own social lives? Sad but true!.
• Headline: DINING OUT; CRITIC'S CHOICES FOR THE BEST OF 1984. Impact: As diners flocked to new restaurants, the culinary world might have spiraled into a competition of who can serve the weirdest fusion dish. Sushi tacos, anyone?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing worse than bad food is the Yelp review that follows? The critic’s pen is mightier than the fork!.
• Headline: 2 DANCERS REJECT STATE ARTS COUNCIL AID. Impact: By rejecting state funding, those dancers might have inspired a new wave of artsy rebels who believe that true talent should starve for its art. How very Bohemian!. Fact: Did you know that the dance world often runs on coffee and dreams? That’s right, no grants needed for a caffeine-fueled pirouette!.
• Headline: ENVIRONMENTALISTS TAKE ON NEW LOOK. Impact: The environmentalists’ makeover might have led to a trend where saving the planet became the hottest fashion statement. Green is the new black, after all!. Fact: Did you know that some environmentalists are so dedicated, they can recycle their own bad jokes? Now that’s commitment!.