OCTOBER 5, 1984

Full News Archive

• Headline: 'Flash of Green' Exploration. Impact: This beguiling tale of corruption in Florida land development led to a chain reaction where every future scandal in politics would be met with a collective eye-roll, as if saying, 'Oh please, another bribe?'. Fact: The author must have been a fan of irony, since the only thing more crooked than Florida land deals are the politicians behind them.
• Headline: Holyfield's Olympic Journey in 1984. Impact: Holyfield's disqualification created a ripple effect in boxing, where future fighters learned that sometimes, just sometimes, it's better to keep your hands to yourself—unless you're trying to sell pay-per-view fights. Fact: Fun fact: The Olympic Committee has a strict 'no punching' policy in semifinals, which is ironic considering the number of punches thrown in the stands during family-friendly Olympic events.
• Headline: Cubs' Last Championship Year in 1945. Impact: The Cubs' last reign in 1945 marked the start of a terrible curse that would haunt the franchise for decades. Every time someone mentioned 'Cubs' and 'World Series' in the same breath, the universe would chuckle ominously. Fact: The last time the Cubs won the World Series, the world was still trying to figure out how to use a telephone. Spoiler alert: They still haven't.
• Headline: FILM: 'TEACHERS,' WITH NICK NOLTE. Impact: This film's scathing appraisal of the school system led to the establishment of countless educational reform movements, as viewers everywhere had their eyes opened to the hilarity that is public education. Fact: They say laughter is the best medicine, but if this film was a prescription, schools would be in serious trouble.
• Headline: 'KILLING HEAT,' PORTRAIT OF COLONOAL LIFE. Impact: The chilling portrayal of colonial life inspired future writers to explore madness, leading to an entire genre of literature where the protagonists are far more likely to lose their grip on reality than find it. Fact: Doris Lessing once said madness was simply a misunderstood genius. So, if you're crazy, just tell your friends you're writing an epic novel!.
• Headline: 'SAVAGE STREETS' PLAYS. Impact: This tale of vengeance paved the way for countless vigilante stories, teaching the world that the best way to solve problems is with a little drama and a lot of over-the-top revenge. Fact: In Hollywood, revenge is just another word for a sequel, and this film likely inspired a few 'inspired by true events' claims that were anything but.
• Headline: SCOUTING;. Impact: The Cubs' pennant chase led to the realization that sports officials are as indecisive as a cat contemplating whether to jump on the counter—so much drama, so little time. Fact: In sports, the phrase 'important decision' usually means 'let's stall until the last possible second.'.
• Headline: Market Place; The Outlook For Cosmetics. Impact: The cosmetics industry’s ups and downs have created a perpetual cycle of hope and disappointment, much like every New Year's resolution to get fit—that never lasts beyond February. Fact: Cosmetics are the only industry where people literally pay to paint over their insecurities. Talk about a cover-up!.
• Headline: FILM: SCI-FI FARCE, 'BUCKAROO BONZAI'. Impact: This bizarre sci-fi farce not only entertained audiences but also paved the way for future rock stars to think they could save the universe—because, why not?. Fact: If rock stars can fight extraterrestrials, what’s stopping them from taking on political debates next? The mind boggles.