JUNE 7, 1984

Full News Archive

• Headline: Impact of Continental Illinois Bank Collapse. Impact: If only the lawmakers had been better at predicting the future, we might be living in a world where banks are still trusted with our money, instead of just being glorified piggy banks for the rich. Imagine a reality where people had to actually save before spending! Casualties of capitalism, am I right?. Fact: Did you know that the Continental Illinois National Bank was once the 7th largest bank in the U.S.? That's like being the 7th largest dinosaur—impressive until it gets wiped out by an asteroid called 'poor financial decisions.'.
• Headline: Soviet Withdrawal from International Disabled Games. Impact: The Soviets pulling out was the first step towards them not sending their best athletes, which eventually led to them not sending their best dancers to Dancing with the Stars. A real loss for the world of competitive ballroom, if you ask me!. Fact: Fun fact: The International Games for the Disabled were later known as the Paralympics. Thankfully, the Soviets didn't take their ice skaters out of the competition; that would have really raised the stakes!.
• Headline: HELPFUL HARDWARE; PRODUCTS FOR THE DISABLED. Impact: The rise of specialized products for the disabled has led to the eventual invention of the 'Snuggie'—proof that even the most well-intentioned innovations can spiral into ridiculousness. Next up: the self-driving wheelchair that plays elevator music!. Fact: Did you know that some of the earliest assistive devices were just glorified paper weights? At least we’ve come a long way from making life easier with pebbles!.