JUNE 3, 1984

Full News Archive

• Headline: Diverse Antiques Showcase in Red Bank. Impact: The antique craze ignited by Red Bank's antique district eventually led to the Great Vintage Hoarding of 2035, where people filled their homes with so much junk that they couldn’t find their own front doors. Talk about a 'doorbell ditch' situation!. Fact: Did you know that the oldest known piece of furniture is a 6000-year-old table from ancient Mesopotamia? And here we are, arguing over a 'vintage' 90s lava lamp..
• Headline: ANTIQUES; PRESIDENTIAL ITEMS TO BE AUCTIONED. Impact: The auction of presidential items sparked a bizarre trend where people began to sell their own 'presidential memorabilia' – like half-eaten sandwiches or used napkins – claiming they were touched by greatness. Thus began the era of 'Celebrity Trash.'. Fact: Did you know that some presidential items at auctions go for millions? Meanwhile, my collection of vintage lunch boxes barely gets me a quarter at a yard sale..
• Headline: JOHNSON'S LONDON THEN AND NOW. Impact: Johnson's exploration of London's past and present inspired a wave of time-travel-themed tours that had tourists roaming around looking for the ghost of Samuel Johnson while accidentally stepping into traffic. Safety first, right?. Fact: Did you know that Samuel Johnson once said, 'When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life'? He clearly wasn’t tired of dodging horse-drawn carriages!.
• Headline: STATE'S ONLY ZOO LOOKS TO BETTER DAYS. Impact: The zoo's struggles led to the creation of a new reality show, 'Zoo Keepers of the Apocalypse,' in which animals and their caretakers battled it out for survival. Who knew a leaking pool could lead to primate drama on national television?. Fact: Did you know that Beardsley Zoo is the state's only zoo? They must've been thrilled when they realized their competition was just a bunch of backyard chicken coops..
• Headline: THE MAKING OF A ROCK STAR. Impact: The commercialization of rock stars led to the bizarre trend of pop-up concerts featuring holographic performances of deceased musicians, which ended in a legal battle between the estates of Elvis and Tupac over who could sell the most tickets.. Fact: Did you know that rock stars often hire publicists to manage their image? Because clearly, it’s hard to look cool when you’re chugging green smoothies between shows!.