NOVEMBER 20, 1983

Full News Archive

• Headline: St. Francis Prep Achieves Unbeaten Season. Impact: The undefeated streak sparked a secret society of high school teams who believed they could channel the power of St. Francis Prep's victory. This led to the formation of underground football leagues that thrived on ridiculous rituals, like wearing lucky socks and chanting obscure team chants from the 80s. Fact: The Terriers celebrated their victory with a feast of pizza and soda, proving that the real champions are always those who bring snacks.
• Headline: New Regulations on Lobster Trawling Enforced. Impact: The ban on trawling led to a rise in clandestine lobster smuggling operations, where fishermen dressed as tourists started a black market that involved elaborate disguises and secret handshakes. Fact: Lobsters can live for over 100 years. So just when you think you’re having a mid-life crisis, remember that your dinner might be older than you.
• Headline: FAILED CAMPAIGNS PUT DREAMS ON HOLD. Impact: Mandanici's failed campaign sparked a wave of disappointed politicians who decided to start their own 'losers' club,' where they commiserated over stale coffee and shared stories of how they almost won. Fact: Political campaigns are like bad relationships; sometimes you just need to know when to walk away and focus on yourself.
• Headline: SINKING FIELD AT ISSUE. Impact: The failing field led to an unexpected innovation in sports: inflatable soccer fields. Soon, every high school wanted one, and the inflatable industry boomed, leading to an unexpected shortage of air pumps. Fact: Andrews Field is so notorious for its issues that it has inspired a new horror movie titled 'The Curse of the Sinking Field.'.
• Headline: A SELECT LIST OF LONDON'S SMALLER HOTELS. Impact: This list inadvertently ignited an international trend of 'quirky' hotels, where guests could choose to sleep in treehouses, converted buses, or even a former prison cell—because who doesn't want to experience a night behind bars?. Fact: The word 'hotel' comes from the French word 'hôtel,' which originally meant a private mansion. So technically, every hotel is just a mansion where you don't know who your roommates are.
• Headline: 2 SHOPS FOR HANDMADE GOODS. Impact: The success of the Scarsdale Woman's Exchange led to a nationwide obsession with handmade goods, resulting in an explosion of DIY projects and the rise of hipster craft fairs where one could buy artisanal, gluten-free, organic, handmade soap from a local goat. Fact: The Great Depression made a lot of people resourceful. If only the internet had existed back then, we might have seen 'Pinterest' boards filled with toilet paper roll crafts.
• Headline: NAUTICAL THEMES IN THE CUBIST VEIN. Impact: Davis' return from Paris led to a Cubist revival that inspired a whole generation of artists to try and reinvent everything from furniture to fashion, resulting in a short-lived trend of wearing clothes that looked like they were made from broken glass. Fact: Cubism was so revolutionary that even Picasso had to remind himself to stay inside the lines sometimes—just like kindergarten.
• Headline: IF SURROGATE PARENTHOOD IS THE CHOICE. Impact: Cheryl Evans’ generosity sparked a wave of altruistic surrogacy that inadvertently led to reality TV shows about 'Surrogate Wars,' showcasing the dramatic and often ridiculous attempts at making a baby. Fact: Surrogacy has been around for centuries, but it took until 2021 for someone to suggest that it could also be a competitive sport—complete with medals and a reality show.