OCTOBER 4, 1983

Full News Archive

• Headline: Voices of America's Communists Revealed. Impact: The American Communists' anecdotal ramblings inadvertently inspired countless college students to major in philosophy, leading to a generation of baristas who can discuss Marx over a latte but can't pay their rent.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'communism' has been used so often that it probably qualifies as the most overused term in political discourse since 'fake news'?.
• Headline: Exploring Godard's 'Passion' Through Art. Impact: Godard's self-absorbed cinematic experiment set off a chain reaction that made every pretentious film student think they could create masterpieces by simply filming their lunch. Thanks, Jean-Luc!. Fact: Did you know that Godard once said, 'It's not where you take things from – it's where you take them to'? Too bad he didn't take his own advice!.
• Headline: Conservative Sexual Attitudes in America. Impact: The decline in casual sex led to an unexpected boom in online dating apps, creating a new wave of awkward first dates that would eventually fuel reality TV for decades to come. Cheers to love in the 21st century!. Fact: Did you know that despite the decline in casual sex, the number of 'relationship experts' skyrocketed? Apparently, everyone is an expert when it comes to love – just ask your local barista!.
• Headline: NEW YORK DAY BY DAY. Impact: Roebling's memorabilia display sparked a national obsession with forgotten celebrities, leading to a bizarre trend where people seek to exhibit their own family heirlooms, including that questionable painting of Aunt Edna.. Fact: Did you know that Paul Roebling is not just famous for his memorabilia but also for inspiring a whole generation of actors to use their family history as a crutch for their mediocre careers?.
• Headline: Marc Rich Penalty Is Continued. Impact: Marc Rich's legal troubles became a cautionary tale for future corporate moguls, teaching them the invaluable lesson that transparency is optional, but hiding behind layers of Swiss banking? Now that's a skill!. Fact: Did you know that Marc Rich was so infamous that his name became synonymous with dodging accountability? If only he had a dollar for every time he faced contempt – oh wait, he probably does!.