JULY 18, 1983

Full News Archive

• Headline: Confronting Drunk Driving in Leonia. Impact: The crackdown on drunken drivers in Bergen led to a nationwide campaign for safe driving. Ironically, this movement also inspired the creation of a new cocktail called 'The Responsible Driver' - a drink with no alcohol, but a lot of regret.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'designated driver' was coined in the 1980s? Before that, everyone just assumed the sober friend would be the one to drive - lucky for them, they often got to hear all the regrettable karaoke..
• Headline: F.D.A. Enhances Drug Safety Communication. Impact: The FDA’s push for drug leaflets sparked a revolution in patient awareness. This eventually led to the rise of 'The Most Useless Medical Facts' game show, where contestants compete to see who can remember the most random side effects.. Fact: Did you know that the FDA actually once considered requiring all drug side effects to be read in a dramatic voice? It was deemed too terrifying after the first test run ended with contestants fainting..
• Headline: Exploring Cape Cod's Unique Communities. Impact: Cape Cod's community hopping led to the establishment of the 'Cape Cod Association of Geography Confusion,' where residents compete to invent the most absurd names for subdivisions, thus forever confusing tourists.. Fact: Did you know that Cape Cod has more geographical subdivisions than actual residents? Tourists often get lost trying to find 'Upper Lower Middle Cape' – a place that only exists in the minds of locals..
• Headline: REVAMPING NATURE TO SAVE BIRDLIFE. Impact: Revamping nature to save birdlife resulted in the rise of eco-tourism, where people started flocking to see the least tern, unknowingly creating an underground society of birdwatchers who discuss the merits of various nesting sites over brunch.. Fact: Did you know that least terns are known for their impressive diving skills? They can dive so fast that they often forget to come back up, leading to some very confused birdwatchers..
• Headline: CUOMO INTERVENES IN L.I. ISSUE. Impact: Cuomo's intervention in Long Island issues paved the way for future politicians to use town hall meetings as a platform for their stand-up comedy acts, making politics slightly more bearable but still utterly confusing.. Fact: Did you know Cuomo once tried stand-up comedy? His punchlines were so political they made both sides laugh and cry simultaneously – truly a talent!.
• Headline: WHAT'S NEW AT THE F.D.A.; GENERICS: GAME OF BEAT-THE-CLOCK. Impact: The battle between brand-name and generic drugs led to an entirely new economy of 'generic brand loyalty,' where consumers started to identify more with the discount version of products, leading to a cultural renaissance of thriftiness.. Fact: Did you know that some people can identify generic brands just by the taste? They even have a secret society dedicated to it - taste buds unite!.
• Headline: FOR SUNBATHERS, THREAT OF SKIN CANCER PERSISTS. Impact: The skin cancer awareness campaign led to a global increase in SPF sales, resulting in the invention of SPF 5000, which ironically made people feel invincible enough to sunbathe for hours without a care.. Fact: Did you know that dermatologists recommend SPF 30? Anything higher is just for bragging rights at the beach, while you still end up looking like a lobster..
• Headline: ANTIQUES; QUILTS: GOOD ONES AND GREAT ONES. Impact: The resurgence of quilt-making led to a bizarre trend of quilt-themed reality shows, where contestants compete to create the most impractical yet visually stunning quilts that no one would dare use.. Fact: Did you know that quilts were once used as currency? Today, they’re more of a conversation starter at parties – ‘Oh, you made this? How quaint!’.
• Headline: 'FREEZE GIRL' BACKED ON VIEWS. Impact: 'Freeze Girl' became an internet sensation, giving rise to a new genre of 'extreme reading' where children are encouraged to read in freezing conditions to develop resilience and questionable life choices.. Fact: Did you know that Ariela Gross could read before she could walk? Some say she still hasn't figured out how to walk properly because she’s too busy reading about the history of walking..