JULY 3, 1983

Full News Archive

• Headline: Long Island Tercentenary Concert Highlights. Impact: The Long Island Philharmonic's world premiere could have sparked an underground movement of musical activism, leading to a future where every county celebrates its tercentenary with interpretative dance-offs instead of parades.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Honor Song' was almost titled 'Mediocre Tune' until the composer realized that would not sell any tickets..
• Headline: Exploring the Passaic River Adventure. Impact: Paddling in the Passaic could have inspired a trendy new sport, 'Filth Canoeing,' which might have led to an entire generation of hipsters triumphantly navigating rivers of dubious cleanliness.. Fact: William Carlos Williams was such a fan of the Passaic that he once tried to write a poem about it, but it just turned into a grocery list of things to avoid..
• Headline: A SALUTE TO OLD-FASHIONED GYMS. Impact: The resurgence of old-fashioned gyms could have sparked a renaissance of 80s workout videos, leading to an entire industry built around neon leotards and terrible hairdos.. Fact: Before spas, people actually lifted weights while wearing cotton. Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: DINING OUT; 'ITALIAN LOOK' UNDERGOES A CHANGE. Impact: The decline of fireworks in one village may have inadvertently led to a rise in backyard barbecue competitions, forever changing the way we celebrate independence – now with more burgers and less bangs!. Fact: Interestingly, the village's fireworks ban was not due to safety but because someone accidentally set their hot dog stand on fire during a display. Who knew grilling could be so dangerous?.
• Headline: ONE VILLAGE WITHOUT A BANG. Impact: The stained-glass hunt could have catalyzed a national obsession with DIY art projects, resulting in a future where every household had its own version of the Sistine Chapel...made entirely of recycled soda cans.. Fact: Stained glass is one of the few art forms where you can actually see your mistakes – just like in life!.
• Headline: SEARCH FOR STAINED GLASS LEADS TO SOME SPARKLING FINDS. Impact: The vegetable gardening trend could lead to a dystopian future where every backyard becomes a mini-farm, complete with competitive zucchini-growing championships that tear families apart.. Fact: Nothing says love like a head of lettuce from your own garden. Just kidding, it’s probably still cheaper to buy it from the store..
• Headline: GARDENING; FRESH, QUALITY VEGETABLES: YOUR OWN. Impact: Restoring colonial kitchens could have prompted a nationwide movement of historical reenactments, leading to a future where America's youth only know how to cook using 18th-century methods – and absolutely nothing else.. Fact: Restoring old houses is great, but I hope you like living without central heating or indoor plumbing!.
• Headline: ANTIQUES; COLONIAL KITCHENS HAD THEIR CHARM. Impact: The survival of relics from the Revolution may have inspired a wave of historical preservation, resulting in a future where every coffee shop doubles as a museum, and baristas are also amateur historians.. Fact: July 4th was also a great day for people to realize that sometimes, surviving a revolution is just as hard as surviving a family reunion..
• Headline: ANTIQUES; RELICS THAT SURVIVED A REVOLUTION.