JUNE 5, 1983

Full News Archive

• Headline: Traveling Tricentennial Show Debuts. Impact: The Traveling Tricentennial Show's debut sparked a trend where every small town felt the need to celebrate their 300th birthday with musical revues. This ultimately led to a global rise in awkwardly choreographed flash mobs in the streets of towns that were only 150 years old.. Fact: Fun fact: The word 'tricentennial' is just a fancy way of saying, 'We're really old, but still less interesting than a birthday party for a cat.'.
• Headline: New Jersey Youth Symphony Triumphs in Europe. Impact: The New Jersey Youth Symphony's success abroad led to a bizarre international rivalry between youth orchestras, culminating in an epic showdown — the 'Battle of the Brass' — where tubas were used as weapons of mass distraction.. Fact: Did you know that the first prize at the European Music Festival was a lifetime supply of violins? Just kidding, it was a trophy that probably just collects dust..
• Headline: THE CAREFUL SHOPPER. Impact: The quilt classes at Abigail's Heirlooms initiated a worldwide quilt craze, leading to the Great Quilt Wars of the late '80s, where rival quilting factions clashed with sewing machines as their only weapon.. Fact: Did you know that quilting was once considered a form of self-defense? It’s true! Just ask any grandma with a thimble..
• Headline: GIBSON'S OFFICE TO HANDLE JAIL JOBS. Impact: Mayor Gibson's office handling jail jobs caused a ripple effect, leading to an uncanny increase in prison-themed reality TV shows, which ultimately gave birth to 'Survivor: Prison Edition.'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing worse than being in jail is being in a reality show about being in jail? At least in prison, you get three meals a day..