MAY 8, 1983

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trenton's Urban Revitalization Efforts. Impact: The neglect of urban areas led to a chain reaction where hipsters discovered thrift shops, turning neglected districts into overpriced artisanal havens. Who knew that gentrification was just a fancy word for 'let's make everything unaffordable'?. Fact: Did you know that urban decay can actually lead to an increase in Instagram influencers? Welcome to the age of 'ruin porn'!.
• Headline: Antique Treasures of Sussex County. Impact: The opening of antique shops in Sussex set off a bizarre competition among millennials to see who could find the most ridiculous vintage items. Thus began the era of 'shabby chic' and overpriced furniture that smells like grandma.. Fact: Fun fact: Every antique shop has at least one item that no one knows the purpose of, but everyone pretends is 'vintage chic'..
• Headline: 'OTHER VIC' TAKES DRAMA ON THE ROAD. Impact: 'The Other Vic Theater Company' inadvertently created a new genre of comedic theatre, leading to a surge in 'play-within-a-play' performances. The rest of the world is still shaking its head, wondering how we got here.. Fact: Did you know that naming a theater company 'The Other Vic' was probably the most ambitious thing anyone did that week? That's a low bar, folks!.
• Headline: WHAT BRINGS OUT THE CROWD? EVERYTHING. Impact: The desperate crowd at Bloomingdale's set off a shopping frenzy that led to the invention of the phrase 'retail therapy'. This resulted in a perpetual cycle of debt and happiness that economists still can't figure out.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more expensive than the clothes at Bloomingdale's is the therapy needed to cope with shopping addiction!.
• Headline: RATE FORMULA COST COUNTY $4 MILLION. Impact: The county’s loss of $4 million in state revenue turned local officials into amateur mathematicians, leading to a series of bizarre budget cuts, including the infamous 'no more donuts in the break room' policy.. Fact: Did you know that if census figures were a person, they'd probably be the one who always shows up late to meetings but still gets the most attention?.
• Headline: TB RECORDS A RISE, WITH 67 CASES IN '82. Impact: The rise in tuberculosis cases reminded public health officials of the importance of cleanliness, leading to an era of overzealous hand sanitizer use that continues to this day. Thank goodness for germaphobes!. Fact: Fun fact: Tuberculosis was so common that at one point, it was practically the leading cause of awkward small talk at parties!.
• Headline: NEW JERSEY GUIDE. Impact: The boycott of the St. Patrick's Day Parade sparked a national debate on inclusivity, paving the way for future parades to actually consider who they are honoring. It's a miracle anyone ever thought of that before!. Fact: Did you know that parades are basically just an excuse for people to throw confetti and drink too much? The more you know!.