APRIL 11, 1983

Full News Archive

• Headline: Understanding IRA Account Additions. Impact: This headline led to an explosion of tax advice blogs, which ultimately resulted in the creation of the world's first advice app that also suggests what to wear to the bank. Spoiler alert: it's not pajamas.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'I.R.A.' originally stood for 'It's Really Amazing' because taxpayers were absolutely thrilled about saving for retirement?.
• Headline: Tensions Rise Over Lobster Trawling. Impact: This headline ignited a turf war between fishermen and the state, leading to the creation of a reality TV show called 'Fishermen vs. State', where the fish were the true winners… until they were eaten.. Fact: Did you know that lobster has feelings too? Which means every time you eat one, you’re basically committing crustacean homicide..
• Headline: LOST GLORIES OF DUCKPIN BOWLING. Impact: The nostalgia for duckpin bowling sparked a revival, leading to hipster bowling alleys that serve craft beer while patrons argue about the best type of wood for bowling pins. Spoiler: it's still pine.. Fact: Fun fact: Duckpin bowling has been around so long that it predates Wi-Fi, which is probably why everyone was so good at it—no distractions!.
• Headline: FEE BATTLE GROWS BEYOND THE CAMPUS. Impact: The ideological battles on campus inspired students to form 'Fee Revolution' marches, ultimately leading to a nationwide trend of students demanding free pizza instead of a better education.. Fact: Did you know that college fees used to include a mandatory class on how to survive ramen noodles? It was the most popular course, but sadly, it was cut due to budget constraints..
• Headline: WHERE TO GO TO SEEK HELP. Impact: The push for mental health services led to a boom in therapy apps, which ironically had users feeling more anxious about their mental health than ever. 'Therapy in a box' became a real thing.. Fact: Did you know that the Yellow Pages were once considered the ultimate guide to finding help? Now, we just ask Google and pray for the best!.
• Headline: LINCOLN TUNNEL TUBE, POUNDED BY TRAFFIC, IS BEING RESURFACED. Impact: The resurfacing of the Lincoln Tunnel led to a chain reaction of tunnel renovations nationwide, ultimately resulting in the world's first 'Tunnel Olympics', where speed and efficiency are put to the test!. Fact: Fun fact: The Lincoln Tunnel was originally designed as a giant slide for cars but was deemed too dangerous after the first test run. Imagine the traffic jams!.
• Headline: WEEK IN BUSINESS; BANK-BUYING BINGE GETS A YELLOW LIGHT. Impact: The bank-buying moratorium led to a secret society of nonbank entities plotting to buy the moon instead, claiming it had better yields than any savings account here on Earth.. Fact: Did you know that the Reagan Administration once considered trading banks for tacos? Now that would have been a financial revolution!.
• Headline: WHAT'S NEW WITH THE I.R.A.'S. Impact: The last-minute rush for I.R.A.s drove banks to create elaborate marketing campaigns, leading to a nationwide obsession with retirement accounts and the launch of 'Retirement Planning Week', where everyone just panicked.. Fact: Did you know that some people still think 'I.R.A.' stands for 'I Really Am' ready to retire? Spoiler: they definitely are not..