FEBRUARY 27, 1983

Full News Archive

• Headline: Foliage Color in Garden Design. Impact: If gardeners had embraced colored foliage sooner, we might have had a botanical utopia by now, where vibrant greens were banned and neighborhoods were fiercely divided over tree politics. Who knew? The fate of suburbia hinged on shrubbery!. Fact: Apparently, foliage color has been the subject of more debates than actual political issues. Maybe we should just let the plants decide..
• Headline: Haitian Refugees Seek Justice in Westchester. Impact: The establishment of an Immigration Court in Westchester could have led to a butterfly effect of compassion and legal reform, but instead, it just became another bureaucratic labyrinth where humanity goes to die. Thanks, red tape!. Fact: The term 'lawyer' is derived from the Latin word for 'someone who spends a lot of time in a building with really bad lighting.'.
• Headline: Shinnecocks Hatch and Industry Unveiled. Impact: Brad Smith’s childhood swimming spot now being a bustling industry could have sparked a revolution in urban planning, but instead, it just led to more traffic and complaints about noise. Nature’s revenge, anyone?. Fact: In a parallel universe, swimming in cove waters is an Olympic sport. Here, it's just a memory overshadowed by construction sounds..
• Headline: BESIEGED MULTI-TOWN NEARING AN END. Impact: The mismanagement of the Multi-Town Solid Waste Management Authority might have delayed the rise of eco-friendly waste solutions, causing a ripple effect of trash piles and a generation of kids who thought 'littering' was an art form.. Fact: It's been said that waste management is just a fancy term for 'we're really good at ignoring the mess we create.'.
• Headline: DINING OUT; A PLACE TO SPEND SEVERAL HOURS IN. Impact: Benny's charming atmosphere might have set a standard for all neighborhood restaurants, but instead, it just made everyone else feel inadequate. Thanks, Benny, for ruining our dining experiences!. Fact: They say the average diner spends 20 minutes deciding what to order. At Benny's, it's just a matter of how long you can hold out for the best fries before surrendering..
• Headline: HOUSE THAT THEODORE ROOSEVELT LOVED GETS 'AUTHENTIC' LOOK. Impact: The renovation of Roosevelt's home could have sparked a nationwide trend of historical preservations, leading to a world where old houses are revered instead of bulldozed. But hey, who needs history when there are malls to build?. Fact: The only thing more enduring than Roosevelt's legacy is the never-ending debate on how to best preserve it. Will it be a museum or a trendy coffee shop?.
• Headline: ART; THREE AWARD WINNERS POSE CHALLENGES TO CONVENTION. Impact: The triumph of anti-traditionalists in the art competition could have led to a new era of artistic expression, where every piece of junk became a masterpiece. Instead, we got a lot of confused critics and a shortage of traditional art supplies.. Fact: Art critics are like weather forecasters: they can never agree, and we still pay them to tell us what we already knew about the weather... I mean art..
• Headline: A SPRING CORNUCOPIA OF SHOWS. Impact: The naming of the New York Virtuosi could have transformed the orchestra scene, inspiring a wave of musicians to adopt pretentious names. We could have had orchestras called 'The Sonic Dreamers' or 'The Melodic Echoes' instead of just 'The New York Philharmonic.'. Fact: Naming an orchestra is more complicated than choosing a baby name. Just ask any musician who spent hours debating between 'Virtuosi' and 'Ensemble of Awesomeness.'.
• Headline: HOW AN ORCHESTRA CHOSE ITS NAME.