FEBRUARY 14, 1983

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tackling Workplace Cancer Risks in NJ. Impact: If they successfully identify carcinogens in the workplace, it could lead to a future where employees actually have to worry about other things besides their jobs—like, you know, living longer. Just imagine the chaos at office parties!. Fact: Did you know that carcinogens can also include things like tobacco smoke and certain chemicals? Shocking, right? It's almost like we should be more careful about what we inhale!.
• Headline: Sailing on Ice: The Thrill of Iceboating. Impact: Bill Doolittle's frustration could lead to a global shortage of iceboats—who knew that a few gusts of wind could alter the course of maritime sports? Iceboating could become the next big reality show: 'Survivor: Wind Edition.'. Fact: Did you know that iceboating is basically sailing but on frozen lakes? So if you’ve ever wanted to experience the thrill of sailing while also risking frostbite, this is your sport!.
• Headline: Exploring the Beauty of Russian Enamels. Impact: Melvin and Barbara Alpren’s hobby could spark a renaissance of Russian enameling, resulting in hipster cafes filled with people sipping lattes while debating the merits of 18th-century art techniques. The world may never be the same.. Fact: Did you know that Russian enamels date back to the 9th century? That’s right, while you were busy scrolling through social media, they were busy creating timeless art!.
• Headline: IT HELPS TO SHARE TWIN EXPERIENCES. Impact: Mila Tegelaar’s story about her twins could lead to a future where twin pregnancies are treated like a competitive sport, complete with sponsorships and a reality TV show. 'Keeping Up with the Tegelaars!'. Fact: Did you know that the odds of having identical twins are about 3 in 1,000? So, in case you were wondering, no, you’re not special for having twins—unless you have three sets!.
• Headline: GARDENING; FAVORITE PLANTS AND THEIR FAMILIES. Impact: By highlighting the rose family, this article could lead to a mass obsession with gardening, resulting in a world where people prefer their plants over their neighbors. 'Sorry, I can't come to the party, I have to tend to my roses!'. Fact: Did you know that the rose family is known as Rosaceae? So, next time someone asks about your favorite plant, you can sound super smart by throwing in 'family names' like you're a botanical genealogist!.
• Headline: CITY UP IN ARMS OVER BRIDGE UP IN AIR. Impact: The closure of the Dorsett Avenue Bridge could lead to a new trend in urban planning: building cities with no bridges at all. Just think of the possibilities—everyone gets to swim their way to work!. Fact: Did you know that Monopoly players have been fighting over properties for decades? Imagine if they had to fight over which side of the bridge they can land on instead!.
• Headline: ADVOCATE'S OFFICE QUITS UTILITY TALKS. Impact: The Public Advocate pulling out of utility talks could lead to a future where consumers actually have to learn how to survive without utilities. Welcome to the Stone Age, folks, where candles and campfires are all the rage!. Fact: Did you know that negotiations between utility companies and public advocates can be as thrilling as watching paint dry? So, take a moment to appreciate the sheer excitement of the bureaucratic process!.