JULY 11, 1982

Full News Archive

• Headline: Market Resilience Amidst Decline. Impact: If McCabe had panicked and sold all his stocks instead of staying calm, he might have set off a nationwide frenzy of selling, plunging the market into chaos. Investors would have turned into modern-day Chicken Littles, running around claiming the sky was falling, leading to a nationwide panic that would have sparked a new 'Great Depression of the 80s.'. Fact: Did you know that the Dow's ups and downs often inspire more drama than a soap opera? Seriously, investing is the only place where people cheer for numbers like they’re a sports team—even if those numbers frequent the ‘D’ list..
• Headline: Explore Connecticut's Historic Homes. Impact: If people had ignored these historic homes, Connecticut might have decided to bulldoze them all in favor of cookie-cutter developments—leading to a mass exodus of history buffs and the rise of a new cult dedicated to the worship of bland architecture.. Fact: Connecticut is so proud of its historic homes that it should probably put them on posters and offer guided tours. 'Come visit the state where every town has a house older than your grandma!'.
• Headline: BROADCASTER TELLS OF LIFE IN THE SOUND. Impact: If Phil Cutting had decided to stay off the water during the storm, he might have inspired a new trend in extreme boating, leading to a wave of reality shows featuring people trying to survive against nature. 'Survivor: Lobster Boat Edition' could have been a thing!. Fact: Long Island Sound is so unpredictable that even the fish are probably considering moving inland. 'Why live in a turbulent sea when you can chill in a lake?'.
• Headline: CITY GAINS AID OF NEIGHBOR'S DEVELOPER. Impact: If New London had managed to keep Sears, the city might have avoided its identity crisis. Instead, it could have become a thriving shopping hub, causing a chain reaction of failed attempts to replicate it across the country—with disastrous results.. Fact: Sears is the quintessential 'your dad's favorite store'—the kind of place that sparks nostalgia but was slowly being replaced by online shopping before it was cool. Talk about a missed opportunity!.
• Headline: FARE OF THE COUNTRY; In Spain, A Soup Starring Garlic. Impact: Had garlic soup become the new trend in the culinary world, it might have sparked a global garlic renaissance, leading to protests from vampires everywhere. Imagine a world where garlic breath was celebrated instead of shunned!. Fact: Garlic has been used in cooking for so long that if it were a person, it would be eligible for Social Security. But hey, at least it keeps away more than just bad breath!.
• Headline: GARDENING; THE BEST FLOWERS FOR SUMMER CUTTING. Impact: If gardening tips had gained enough popularity, we could have seen a massive uptick in competitive gardening shows. Next thing you know, people would be throwing down gauntlets over who can grow the biggest sunflower—because that’s the real Olympics, right?. Fact: Gardening: the only sport where you can compete while simultaneously getting dirt under your fingernails and a sunburn. Who needs gym membership when you can just dig in your backyard?.
• Headline: STATE POPULAR FOR FILM SITES. Impact: If Connecticut had continued to attract filmmakers, it could have rivaled Hollywood, leading to a bizarre mix of movies featuring New England charm and Hollywood drama. 'The Connecticut Chronicles' would have been a blockbuster hit—if only people could take it seriously!. Fact: Who knew that Connecticut's biggest claim to fame could have been its film locations? Forget Yale; it's all about the next big film project featuring a quaint diner and a charming small-town love story..
• Headline: PALISADES WATERFRONT: A FACELIFT?. Impact: If Mr. Imperatore had actually succeeded in building 'Rome' in New Jersey, it could have sparked international tourism, drawing crowds who wanted to see the 'real' Rome without the flight costs. Who needs authenticity when you have a replica?. Fact: The only thing better than visiting Rome is... well, not visiting it and opting for a two-hour drive to a New Jersey version. Because nothing says 'cultural experience' like eating a cannoli next to a parking lot..
• Headline: DINING OUT; GETTING INTO THE SWING OF THINGS. Impact: If Ken Kelly's restaurant had become wildly popular, it might have turned the Spring Meadow Golf Club into a culinary Mecca, causing every chef in the area to scramble to outdo each other with bizarre golf-themed dishes—think ‘Eagle Eggs Benedict.’. Fact: Spring Meadow Golf Club's dining scene is proof that you can tee off and chow down at the same time. Who says you can't have your birdie and eat it too?.