MAY 29, 1981

Full News Archive

• Headline: Red Smith on Baseball Strikes. Impact: This headline about relaxing instead of winning led to a nationwide epidemic of couch potatoes who started to believe that, if they couldn't win at life, they should just binge-watch every show available. Fast forward to 2023, and we have a generation that can quote entire seasons of reality TV but can't find their way out of a parking lot.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'If you can't win, relax' is actually the motto of the National Couch Potato Association? Just kidding, but it should be!.
• Headline: New Council Seats After Manhattan Dispute. Impact: The creation of two new council seats sparked a frenzy of political ambitions, leading to the rise of the 'Seat War' where aspiring politicians began to duel over seats in a dramatic fashion. This eventually resulted in a reality TV show that changed the political landscape forever. Yep, blame this headline for your guilty pleasure.. Fact: Fun fact: The average lifespan of a city council seat is shorter than the attention span of a goldfish. No wonder they needed more seats!.
• Headline: Polyester: A Campy Comedy Adventure. Impact: The release of 'Polyester' convinced an entire generation that smelling bad and having family troubles was the new normal. This movie inadvertently laid the groundwork for the rise of hipster culture, where vintage odors became a fashion statement. Thank you, John Waters, for making stink cool!. Fact: Did you know that 'Polyester' was originally intended to be a scent-based experience? They just couldn't find a way to bottle the smell of awkward family gatherings..
• Headline: COMPANY NEWS. Impact: This negotiation between cable companies set off a chain reaction in which every media outlet began to realize that they could charge more for less content. Fast forward to today, and we're all paying for 400 channels of nothing. Good job, everyone!. Fact: Did you know that cable negotiations are like watching paint dry, except the paint is more interesting and at least it has a chance of being a different color?.