MARCH 29, 1981

Full News Archive

• Headline: Susan Emery on Merce Cunningham's Legacy. Impact: If Susan Emery had never danced, the world might have missed out on a whole generation of interpretive dance moves inspired by her 'stirring quality.' Who knows? Maybe the Macarena would have never existed!. Fact: Did you know that Merce Cunningham was a pioneer of chance operations in dance? So essentially, he was the original 'Let's just see what happens!' kind of choreographer..
• Headline: Westhampton Beach Jetty Proposal Halted. Impact: Blocking the beach jetty plan may have saved some rocks from being buried, but it also set off a chain reaction of beach goers complaining about their sandy toes for decades to come. You win some, you lose some!. Fact: Did you know that the Army Corps of Engineers is often called the 'Earth's Underwater Drillers'? Okay, not really, but they do have a knack for creating coastal chaos!.
• Headline: New Developments in Sex Education Debate. Impact: The ongoing battle over sex education could have led to an alternate timeline where teens learn about reproduction from TikTok instead of their parents. Imagine the memes!. Fact: Did you know that the Moral Majority was actually a political group? Because nothing says 'moral' like getting into a heated debate over what kids should learn in school..
• Headline: Gardening; WILLOWS, THE EARLY SPRING BLOOMS. Impact: Had everyone taken the advice of chewing on willow twigs, we might have seen a rise in DIY herbal remedies and a decline in pharmaceutical companies. Goodbye, overpriced aspirin!. Fact: Did you know that salicin is the active ingredient in aspirin? So basically, trees are just nature's pharmacy, if you don’t mind the taste!.
• Headline: 553 SCHOOL DISTRICTS TO VOTE. Impact: The decline in school enrollments might have led to a future where classrooms were turned into hip coffee shops. Because who wouldn't want to sip on a latte while discussing quadratic equations?. Fact: Did you know that school funding often resembles a game of musical chairs? You just never know who will end up without a seat!.
• Headline: 5 TOWNS SCHOOL PLAN STIRS BOARD FIGHT. Impact: This school board fight could have sparked a nationwide trend of heated debates over school policies, resulting in future generations of parents who are way too invested in school board elections. Welcome to the Parent Olympics!. Fact: Did you know that school board elections can sometimes get more contentious than reality TV? Grab your popcorn!.
• Headline: OCCULT CLASSES DRAW CROWDS. Impact: The popularity of occult classes might have unleashed a wave of amateur witches and warlocks, leading to a world where people cast 'spells' for everything, including ordering pizza!. Fact: Did you know that occult classes have been around for centuries? Apparently, some people just can’t resist the allure of magic!.
• Headline: DINING OUT; THE FROG PRINCE TAKES NEW FORM. Impact: The transformation of a gas station into a restaurant could have inspired countless 'before and after' reality shows, reshaping the very fabric of American dining experiences. Who knew gas could taste so good?. Fact: Did you know that The Frog Prince is a classic fairy tale? So essentially, dining out has always been about 'transforming' something, like a prince out of a frog—or a gas station into a restaurant!.
• Headline: LEARNING ROLE OF OMBUDSMAN, STUDENTS TACKLE BUREAUCRACY. Impact: Students tackling bureaucracy could have led to a series of viral TikTok videos chronicling their hilarious attempts to navigate red tape. Who knew bureaucracy could be so entertaining?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'ombudsman' is Swedish for 'representative'? But honestly, it sounds like a superhero name waiting to happen!.
• Headline: THE FINANCIAL GOING GETS ROUGH FOR MUSIC AND DANCE. Impact: The financial struggles of the arts might have sparked a revolutionary movement where artists learned to barter their talents for rent. 'I'll paint your house if you give me a place to stay!'. Fact: Did you know that the arts are often the first to be cut during budget crises? Because who needs culture when you can have spreadsheets?.