DECEMBER 14, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mass in Memory of Mae Nyquist Bowler. Impact: Mae Nyquist Bowler's legacy as a librarian led to the rise of a new generation of librarians who decided that books should be organized by their favorite colors rather than the Dewey Decimal System. Chaos ensued, but at least the library looked fabulous. Fact: Did you know that librarians were once considered 'the keepers of the knowledge'? Now they just have to keep track of overdue books and the occasional cat video.
• Headline: Istanbul Faces Significant Power Shortage. Impact: The power shortage in Istanbul led to a trend of candlelight dinners that would later inspire countless rom-coms. Who knew a blackout could spark so much love?. Fact: Fun fact: Power shortages tend to make people more resourceful. In Istanbul, they started using the power of their own two legs—walking everywhere instead of relying on electric transport.
• Headline: Ohio Congressman's Last Term. Impact: William H. Harsha's announcement not to run again sent shockwaves through Ohio, leading to a month-long debate over whether his seat should be filled with a plant or a surprisingly well-spoken dog. Fact: Politicians stepping down is like a game of musical chairs, except the chairs are full of broken promises and the last one standing often just sits on the floor.
• Headline: Taiwan Regime Arrests 14 Foes Demand New Elections. Impact: The arrest of opposition activists in Taiwan paved the way for a new generation of activists, who decided that social media protests were the way to go. Because who needs a physical presence when you can tweet about it?. Fact: Taiwan's political landscape has been known to shift faster than a teenager’s mood, and yet somehow, they still manage to keep their Wi-Fi connection stable.
• Headline: City Council of Churches Picks Successor to Potter Polk Gets Standing Ovation. Impact: The City Council of Churches selecting Rev. Robert L Polk to replace Potter resulted in a massive increase in standing ovations at church services, as if everyone was just waiting for someone to finally get it right. Fact: In church, a standing ovation usually just means someone finally remembered to bring the donuts for after service.
• Headline: Americans and Poles in Warsaw Hold Service for Hostages in Iran. Impact: The prayer service for hostages in Iran united Americans and Poles, leading to an unexpected alliance that ultimately resulted in the invention of fusion cuisine—because nothing says camaraderie like combining hotdogs with pierogies. Fact: Praying for hostages is often less about divine intervention and more about hoping that someone brings snacks to keep the morale up.
• Headline: Japan Limits Oil Imports From Iran To Counter Growing U.S. Criticism Bankers Asked to Cooperate Imports $9.8 Percent of Needs U.S. ‘Understanding’ Sought. Impact: Japan’s decision to limit oil imports from Iran triggered a ripple in the energy market that eventually led to a worldwide obsession with alternative fuels, including that weird stuff we call 'biodiesel' from leftover pizza. Fact: Japan reducing oil imports is like a teenager deciding to eat healthy—everyone knows it’s a good idea, but we’re still going to sneak in a few fries when nobody’s looking.