NOVEMBER 27, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bankers Trust Cuts Prime Rate. Impact: This seemingly mundane interest rate cut set off a chain reaction leading to the invention of the adjustable-rate mortgage, which ultimately caused many a millennial to rethink their life choices while sipping artisanal coffee in a co-working space.. Fact: Did you know that 15½% is actually a really great interest rate if you live in an alternate universe where money grows on trees? Unfortunately, this is not that universe..
• Headline: Brennan's Future: Clerks and Commitment. Impact: Justice Brennan's decision to hire clerks caused a ripple effect that led to an influx of law school graduates believing they too could one day sit on the Supreme Court, only to find themselves working in a law office that specializes in personal injury claims.. Fact: Fun fact: Hiring law clerks is a bit like adopting a puppy; you think it will be a delightful experience, but then you realize you’ve just signed up for a lifetime of cleaning up messes..
• Headline: Concerns Over Jazz's Player Turnover. Impact: The Jazz’s high player turnover triggered a series of events culminating in the creation of the NBA Draft Lottery, ensuring that some teams can ‘strategically’ lose games in hopes of securing the next big star—who will inevitably leave for a bigger market.. Fact: If the Jazz had a dollar for every player they lost, they could probably afford to just buy a new team. But where's the fun in that?.
• Headline: Advertising. Impact: The appointment of Harry L. Brown as group vice president kicked off a decades-long saga of the ad industry convincing us we need a new toaster that can also play our Spotify playlists.. Fact: Did you know that ‘group vice president’ is just fancy corporate speak for ‘person who attends meetings and nods a lot’?.
• Headline: Dollar at 2‐dear High in Tokyo. Impact: The dollar hitting a two-year high in Tokyo led to the rise of the ‘currency trader’ as a profession, which is essentially just a fancy name for someone who plays the stock market like it’s a high-stakes poker game—minus the fun of actually seeing the faces of their opponents.. Fact: If you thought your currency was weak, just remember: the yen was so weak back then that it couldn’t even lift a barbell. Talk about low self-esteem!.
• Headline: Around the Nation. Impact: The unanimous vote against extending the deadline for the Pittsburgh school district's desegregation plan inadvertently led to more people Googling 'desegregation' and wondering why it still matters, sparking a resurgence in civics education—just kidding, it didn’t.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more complicated than a desegregation plan is trying to explain it to a room full of teenagers who are more interested in TikTok..
• Headline: S.E.C. Suing Gulf and Western, Charging Impropriety and Fraud. Impact: The SEC's lawsuit against Gulf and Western ignited a wildfire of corporate accountability that, spoiler alert, fizzled out faster than your New Year's resolutions.. Fact: Did you know that ‘improper financial reporting’ is code for ‘we had a really good party and forgot to write down the expenses’?.
• Headline: 2 Rookies Share Award. Impact: The co-rookie award for Castino and Griffin created a precedent that led to a future where participation trophies for literally everything became the norm—because why not celebrate mediocrity?. Fact: Fun fact: Sharing an award is basically the adult version of sharing a toy—everyone pretends to be happy, but deep down, someone is still upset they didn't get the whole thing..
• Headline: Joint Operation Backed For 2 Cincinnati Papers. Impact: The joint operation of the Cincinnati Post and Enquirer marked the beginning of a trend where newspapers realized they could save money by pooling resources, which ultimately led to the rise of clickbait online articles. Thanks, Cincinnati!. Fact: Did you know that merging newspapers is just like a bad relationship? They say it’s for the greater good, but it usually just results in less interesting content and more ads for weight loss pills..
• Headline: Iran to Cut Oil Output Next Year. Impact: Iran's decision to cut oil production set off alarms worldwide, leading to years of fluctuating gas prices that would leave drivers questioning their life choices every time they filled up their tanks.. Fact: Fun fact: An oil cut is basically the adult version of saying, ‘We’re going on a diet’—except it affects the entire planet’s economy instead of just your waistline..