OCTOBER 5, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Producer Prices Surge in September 2023. Impact: The rise in producer prices led to a frenzy of inflation that spiraled into a reality where people traded goats for groceries. At least now, everyone knows the true meaning of 'value'.. Fact: Did you know that during the same time, the price of avocado toast was still too high for most millennials? This just proves that nothing ever changes..
• Headline: Devastating Tornado Strikes Connecticut Community. Impact: The tornado in Connecticut caused a wave of sympathy that resulted in the creation of the 'Tornado Tornado Relief Fund', which is ironically just a fund for people to donate money to buy more tornadoes. Just kidding, it actually helped rebuild homes.. Fact: Did you know that tornadoes are named after the local weather channels? This one's probably named 'Windsor Whirlwind'—sounds like a bad rollercoaster..
• Headline: NYC 5-Borough Bike Race Overview. Impact: The NYC 5-borough bike race sparked a movement that led to the invention of the hoverboard, which is now the preferred mode of transportation for those avoiding actual exercise.. Fact: Did you know that this bike race was originally intended to be a marathon? But someone realized that running is hard and bikes have wheels..
• Headline: Jordi Folchi‐Pi Dies, 68; A Pioneer Neurochemist. Impact: Dr. Jordi Folchi-Pi's pioneering work in neurochemistry led to advances that eventually resulted in the creation of brain-enhancing coffee. Now we can finally blame our caffeine addiction on science.. Fact: Did you know that neurochemistry is basically just a fancy way of saying 'we're still figuring out how the brain works'?.
• Headline: Ford and U.A.W. Agree on Pact. Impact: The Ford-U.A.W. agreement marked the beginning of a series of labor negotiations that would lead to the invention of the 'Union Break Room', where no one actually breaks anything, except for maybe the coffee machine.. Fact: Did you know that labor contracts are just like college relationships? They start with hope, but usually end with someone feeling undervalued and overworked..
• Headline: Rally at Hunter Urges Selecting Black Educator to Head College. Impact: The rally at Hunter College sparked a national dialogue about leadership diversity that eventually led to the introduction of 'Diversity Bingo'—a game played by hiring committees everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that 'diversity initiatives' often come with a side of eye-rolling? Yep, just another day in academia..
• Headline: Restaurants. Impact: The restaurant review for Upstream led to a culinary revolution where everyone suddenly thought they could cook gourmet meals at home, resulting in a nationwide obsession with overpriced kitchen gadgets.. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends more time watching cooking shows than actually cooking? But hey, who needs to know how to sauté when you can binge-watch instead?.
• Headline: Floods Ravage Central Vietnam. Impact: The floods in Central Vietnam caused a surge in international aid efforts, which later inspired reality TV shows about disaster relief. Because nothing says 'helping' like a camera crew.. Fact: Did you know that floods are basically nature's way of reminding us that we’re not in control? Just like that time you tried to fix your own plumbing..