SEPTEMBER 29, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Wesleyan and Columbia Press Collaboration. Impact: If only every university made economic ties like this, we might have ended up with a world where the Ivy League was just one big happy family—imagine the chaos of scholars sharing books and ideas instead of hoarding knowledge like it's a rare Pokémon.. Fact: Did you know that academic presses are like the hipsters of the publishing world? They were into niche markets long before it was cool..
• Headline: End of Patronage in Chicago Politics. Impact: This ruling sent shockwaves through Chicago politics, effectively putting a stop to the greasy palms that had sustained political careers. Who knew a judge could single-handedly ruin someone's plan to send their kids to college through a job that doesn’t exist?. Fact: Chicago's political machine was so well-oiled it could've powered a small city. Now it just runs on hope and a few good intentions..
• Headline: Challenges of a North American Energy Market. Impact: The idea of a North American energy market was so unworkable that it sparked debates that would echo through time, leading to the creation of energy drinks. Because if we can't share energy, we might as well caffeinate ourselves to oblivion.. Fact: Energy cooperation? Sure, right after we all agree on how to pronounce 'scone' without starting a riot..
• Headline: MacPhail Hears Martin Side. Impact: This meeting was so significant that it probably led to a century of political discussions that could have been resolved with a simple text message. Thanks, 1970s communication methods.. Fact: The 1970s: when a meeting meant you actually had to show up in person. What a concept!.
• Headline: A Parish Priest Enjoys Not ‘Playing God’ Any More. Impact: Rev Eugene M Lynch’s reflections on his role as a parish priest might have inspired a wave of clergy to take a step back from the divine drama, resulting in a more chill approach to religion—less fire and brimstone, more coffee and conversation.. Fact: Parish priests have had a tough gig—one minute they're managing souls, the next they're just trying to figure out who forgot to bring the donuts..
• Headline: Oh, Them Golden Delicious. . .. Impact: James K Harris’s nostalgic apple-picking piece might have inadvertently sparked an apple renaissance, leading to the rise of artisanal apple cider and hipster farmers' markets across the nation. Thanks, James!. Fact: Golden Delicious apples are like the vanilla ice cream of the fruit world—universally liked, but nobody's ever truly excited about them..
• Headline: N.E.A. Praises the President. Impact: This endorsement could have led to a time where the National Education Association and the White House were besties, which might have resulted in a series of educational reforms that actually stuck. Spoiler: they didn’t.. Fact: The NEA praising a president is like your dog bringing you a stick: nice gesture, but it doesn't change the fact that there are still squirrels to chase..
• Headline: Leonard Knocks Out Price; Duran Victor. Impact: Holmes retaining his championship title was a moment that likely caused countless fistfights in living rooms across America, as couch commentators critiqued his every move without ever stepping into a ring themselves. Classic.. Fact: Boxing matches are just like reality TV: lots of drama, but no one really wins in the end..
• Headline: Opera: ‘Eugen Onegin’. Impact: The debut of Belgian conductor Emil Tchakarov at the Metropolitan Opera might have inadvertently led to a resurgence of opera in pop culture—until people realized it wasn't as accessible as their favorite binge-watch series.. Fact: Opera: where you can’t understand the language but still feel all the feels. It’s like a soap opera, but with more expensive costumes..