AUGUST 30, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Late Summer Tourism Surge at US Resorts. Impact: The surge in autumn tourism led to a boom in the pumpkin spice industry. If only a few more Americans had traveled, we might have been spared the horror of pumpkin spice lattes dominating every fall.. Fact: Did you know that the real reason for the late tourism surge was people trying to escape their relatives? Autumn is just a fancy word for 'family reunion season'..
• Headline: Pioneer 11 Explores Saturn's Iapetus. Impact: The mystery of Iapetus sparked a decade-long obsession with space mysteries, leading to conspiracy theories that aliens were simply trying to keep their best-kept secrets under wraps. Spoiler alert: they were just bad at lighting.. Fact: Did you know that Iapetus is sometimes called the 'yin and yang' moon? It’s like the universe’s way of saying, 'Look, I can do balance too!'.
• Headline: Students Rally for Striking Teachers. Impact: The high school students' rally for teachers inadvertently led to a nationwide trend of student activism, resulting in students today feeling empowered enough to demand Wi-Fi during exams.. Fact: Did you know that the most common chant during these rallies is 'We want pizza!'? Because, priorities!.
• Headline: Reginald Lanier, 90, Ex‐Banker; Headed Land and Cattle Concern. Impact: Reginald Lanier's legacy as a banker led to the rise of the phrase 'money doesn't grow on trees', which ironically became popular in the 90s when everyone was trying to plant their own money trees.. Fact: Did you know that at 90, Lanier was probably the oldest banker who still thought people used checks? Bless his heart..
• Headline: To Blacks: Condemn P.L.O. Terrorism. Impact: Bayard Rustin's article opposing PLO terrorism led to a ripple effect of social media debates, which eventually evolved into people arguing about everything on Twitter, from politics to cat videos.. Fact: Did you know that Rustin is often remembered as a civil rights icon, but his commentary on the PLO situation is just a tiny footnote in the grand tale of human folly?.
• Headline: BARBARA M. VLASTO. Impact: Barbara M. Vlasto’s name will go down in history as the most unremarkable headline ever, inspiring countless future journalists to spice up their articles with at least one good pun.. Fact: Did you know that sometimes the best stories are the ones that never get told? Just like Barbara M. Vlasto's life story..
• Headline: United Press International. Impact: The oil cleanup at Mustang Island became the first step toward the invention of eco-friendly beach parties. Who knew that oil spills could lead to biodegradable beach balls?. Fact: Did you know that 'Mustang Island' is not named after the car? But hey, if it were, the island would probably still be cleaner than your average oil spill..
• Headline: The New York Times / Neal Boenzi. Impact: Mayor Koch's vegetable gift inspired a new wave of vegetable-based political campaigns, leading to the infamous 'Carrot Cake vs. Fruitcake' debates of the 1990s.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more ridiculous than politicians campaigning with vegetables is their attempt to cook with them? Spoiler: it's a disaster..
• Headline: Hurricane David Hits 2 Caribbean Islands, Heads for Puerto Rico. Impact: Hurricane David's path set a precedent for naming hurricanes after people, leading to the eventual naming of storms after exes, friends, and that one guy who cut you off in traffic.. Fact: Did you know that hurricanes are just nature’s way of throwing a tantrum? And they always seem to aim for the most populated areas for maximum drama..