JULY 12, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Abu Dhabi's Consistent Oil Exports. Impact: The steady flow of oil from Abu Dhabi led to a global obsession with fossil fuels, resulting in the invention of gas-guzzling SUVs and the term 'driving around in circles' becoming a literal lifestyle choice. Fact: Did you know that 44.8 million barrels of oil is enough to fuel a small nation for a month? Or just one weekend road trip for a family of four in an SUV.
• Headline: Tragic Incident Involving Ray Marshall's Son. Impact: Christopher Marshall's life, though short, sparked a movement amongst teenagers to become labor leaders, leading to the eventual rise of TikTok influencers claiming to be 'life coaches.'. Fact: William Harris McManus was likely just a regular teenager dealing with regular teenage issues, like figuring out how to get out of chores—talk about a legacy!.
• Headline: Samuel J. Buzzell, 87, Lawyer Represented Pop Composers. Impact: Samuel J. Buzzell's career representing pop composers paved the way for future lawyers to take on absurd cases—like defending the rights of musicians to use auto-tune without judgment. Fact: Buzzell probably had more stories about 'the one time I represented a guy who wrote a jingle for a snack food' than any other lawyer in history.
• Headline: Rubber Union Accused Of Unfair Labor Tactic. Impact: The Rubber Union's labor disputes ignited a series of negotiations that eventually led to the invention of rubber bands, which have since become the most underappreciated office supply. Fact: Rubber workers were likely just trying to get a fair wage—who knew it would lead to the office supply equivalent of a superhero?.
• Headline: Around the Nation. Impact: The Columbus Education Board's appeal became a textbook example of how to prolong a disagreement, inspiring countless future debates over busing and proving that indecision is a talent. Fact: This appeal shows that when it comes to education, sometimes the best course of action is to just keep talking until you've exhausted everyone involved.
• Headline: A Yea to the Neigh. Impact: Maurice Telleen's suggestion to use draft horses led to a brief renaissance of old-school farming techniques, resulting in hipster farms and the popularization of artisanal hay. Fact: If you think farming is all about tractors, just wait until the hipsters start showing up in flannel with their draft horses, claiming it's the 'authentic experience.'.
• Headline: ESSAY All The Help He Can Get. Impact: William Safire's reflections on Carter transformed into a pop culture meme about national malaise, forever linking presidential conferences to existential dread. Fact: Carter's 'national malaise' could easily be the title of a bestselling self-help book—if only he had known how to market it!.
• Headline: Design Notebook. Impact: Paul Goldberger's design assessments led to a renaissance in park design, making it possible for everyone to have a 'favorite park' to Instagram while ignoring the ones that actually need attention. Fact: If parks had feelings, they'd probably sigh every time someone calls them 'the great outdoors' while sitting on a bench scrolling through their phone.