JULY 6, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Retail Sales Growth Hits a Snag. Impact: The slowdown in retail sales triggered a chain reaction that ultimately led to the invention of online shopping. Because who needs human interaction when you can shop in your pajamas from the comfort of your couch? Thanks, gasoline crisis!. Fact: Retailers actually thought that selling more stuff would make people happier. Spoiler alert: It didn’t..
• Headline: Discovering Landscape Drawings at Met. Impact: The Met's showcasing of landscape drawings inspired a global obsession with nature art, leading to the rise of Instagram influencers posing in front of trees. Thank you, Robert Lehman Collection!. Fact: Landscape drawings are the only type of art that can’t tell you to stop taking selfies in front of them. Yet..
• Headline: Carter's Speech Cancellation Impact. Impact: Carter's decision to postpone his speech planted the seeds for future presidents to use 'technical difficulties' as a cover for their lack of preparation. It's the ultimate political magician's trick!. Fact: Postponing a speech is basically the political equivalent of hitting snooze on your alarm clock. Just delaying the inevitable!.
• Headline: Judge May Bar Press From Felony Hearing. Impact: If the press had been barred from the hearing, perhaps the world would have never known about the case of Charles Wright, leading to a future where guilty pleas could be made in secret. Shhh, it's a conspiracy!. Fact: Judges excluding the press is how we get all those juicy courtroom dramas. Thanks for the content, Justice Schwalb!.
• Headline: Iran Taking Over More Industries; General Motors Affiliate Affected. Impact: Iran’s nationalization of industries sent shockwaves that affected American corporate policies for decades. General Motors' affiliate probably didn’t see this coming and definitely did not have a contingency plan.. Fact: General Motors once made cars that could actually run on gasoline. Now they just run on dreams and nostalgia..
• Headline: A.M.A. Charged With a Boycott Of Chiropractors. Impact: The AMA's alleged conspiracy against chiropractors led to an underground movement of back-cracking rebels. Who knew that a simple adjustment could spark a revolution?. Fact: Chiropractors might be the only professionals who can make your back pop and your conspiracy theories go crackle!.
• Headline: Vassallo Brothers Fly Different Flags. Impact: The different flags flown by the Vassallo brothers at the Pan American Games set a precedent for sibling rivalry that would only escalate, eventually leading to family feuds over who gets the last slice of pizza.. Fact: Sibling rivalry is basically nature's way of ensuring that you never have a peaceful family dinner again..
• Headline: Joseph Borhin, 67; Author of an Analysis Off. G. Farben Cartel. Impact: Borkin's analysis of the G. Farben cartel sparked interest in corporate ethics, resulting in the creation of 'how not to run a company' seminars that nobody attends. Oops!. Fact: The G. Farben cartel was so powerful that it could have probably run for president. Thankfully, it didn’t..
• Headline: U.S. Team Swims to 16th Victory. Impact: The U.S. swimming team's victory paved the way for the rise of competitive swimming as a spectator sport, eventually leading to Olympic swim meets that are just as dramatic as soap operas.. Fact: Winning 16 gold medals in swimming means you can officially call yourself a 'medal magnet.'.
• Headline: A Scenario for Mondale. Impact: Mondale's scenario of Carter resigning if Congress doesn’t pass an energy bill was the original 'take this job and shove it' moment in politics. Who knew resignation could become a trend?. Fact: Politicians have been threatening resignation since the dawn of time. Spoiler: they rarely follow through..