JUNE 24, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Christopher Hitchens on Nicaragua's Turbulent Future. Impact: After this article, a slew of British tourists suddenly felt the urge to visit Nicaragua, leading to an unexpected boom in rum sales and beachside yoga retreats. Who knew that a civil war could inspire such a zen movement?. Fact: Christopher Hitchens once argued that a bad cup of coffee could lead to global chaos. So, you can imagine how he felt about war-torn countries..
• Headline: Exploring Logical Absurdities with Bayley. Impact: This article inadvertently inspired a new genre of literature where authors attempt to explain politics using only absurd logic. Fast forward a few decades, and we have reality TV.. Fact: Prof. John Bayley once claimed that if logic were a person, it would probably be stuck in a traffic jam, just like everyone else..
• Headline: Exclusion of Farm Workers in Labor Conference. Impact: The exclusion of farm workers led to the rise of farm-to-table movements, which ironically resulted in more imported food than ever. Thanks for the irony, Texas!. Fact: It turns out that farm workers can’t attend a conference just because they’re busy, you know, working. Shocking, right?.
• Headline: A Child's View of Architecture. Impact: Children's perspectives on architecture led to a bizarre trend of oversized play structures in public parks, and suddenly, the real estate market was in competition with slide manufacturers.. Fact: Kids would rather build forts out of pillows than live in a 'perfectly designed' house. Who needs symmetry when you have imagination?.
• Headline: 192 Nuclear Protesters Guilty. Impact: The guilty verdict sparked a wave of anti-nuclear sentiment that eventually led to the creation of some of the most awkward vegan potlucks you can imagine. Nothing says 'peaceful protest' like a tofu burger.. Fact: 192 people thought trespassing on a nuclear plant was a good idea. Just imagine what could have happened if they’d decided to pitch a tent at the local park instead!.
• Headline: O.A.S. MEASURE ASKS ‘IMMEDIATE’ OUSTER OF SOUZA'S REGIME. Impact: This resolution set off a domino effect that influenced U.S. foreign policy for decades, leading to more regime changes than a soap opera plot twist.. Fact: The Organization of American States really likes to ask for things. They should consider applying for a job as professional naggers..
• Headline: Sailing to Nassau On a Tryout Cruise. Impact: This cruise inspired a wave of people to take up sailing, leading to a spike in boat-related mishaps and an uptick in sunscreen sales. The ocean was never the same.. Fact: Nothing says 'I’m on a budget' quite like a tryout cruise. It’s like a vacation, but with the added thrill of wondering if you’ll be stuck cleaning the deck..
• Headline: Republican Candidates Scurry to Organize in New Hampshire for 1980's First Primary.. Impact: The frantic organizing in New Hampshire led to the invention of campaign slogans that became increasingly ridiculous, paving the way for future political memes.. Fact: John A Durkin thought announcing his candidacy would shock the Carter Administration. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. They were busy being 'catatonic.'.
• Headline: Rumania Gives U.S. Data in Case Against Bishop Called Ex‐Fascist. Impact: Rumania's cooperation created a series of diplomatic relations that would eventually lead to the invention of lengthy international treaties, which are basically just diplomatic paperwork marathons.. Fact: Bishops hiding fascist activities in Romania sounds like the plot of a bad thriller novel. Spoiler alert: the protagonist is always late to save the day..
• Headline: PHOTOGRAPHY VIEW. Impact: The exhibition of 19th-century photographs led to a sudden interest in vintage aesthetics, causing hipsters to lose their minds over everything old and dusty.. Fact: 19th-century photography is like the original Instagram—everyone wants to look good, but not everyone can pull off sepia tone..