JUNE 20, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Occidental Chemical Co's Pesticide Controversy. Impact: If only they had informed health officials, perhaps California would have a different reputation today... like one that doesn't involve mysterious rashes and spontaneous plant deaths. Who knew 5 tons of pesticides could lead to a potential 'Pesticide Palooza' in the future?. Fact: Did you know that pesticides can be so potent that if they were alive, they could probably run for Congress themselves? They'd fit right in!.
• Headline: Exploring Bloomsbury: A Literary Review. Impact: This book review could have sparked a literary revolution but instead, it just added to the mountain of unread books in your local library. Thanks, Christopher Lehmann-Haupt!. Fact: Books are like time machines, except they don't require a flux capacitor and are far less likely to explode..
• Headline: Wine Talk: Debating Sulfur Safety. Impact: This debate over sulfur dioxide could have led to a wine revolution where no one ever trusted Italian wines again, leading to a future where all wine comes from New Jersey. The horror!. Fact: Fun fact: Sulfur dioxide is also what your friends might say about your personality after a few too many glasses of wine!.
• Headline: Notes on People. Impact: Peter Jay becoming a guest scholar might have led to a new economic theory where being replaced by a Conservative means you get a cushy job instead of a pink slip. What a world!. Fact: Being a guest scholar sounds fancy, but it's really just a polite way of saying, 'I’m not sure what to do with my life now.'.
• Headline: Schlesinger Memo Cited. Impact: This warning about heating oil shortages could have led to a future where people were forced to gather in public centers, creating the first-ever 'Warmth Olympics.'. Fact: Did you know that public centers are basically just homes for people who forgot to pay their heating bills? It's like a family reunion... but less cozy..
• Headline: Music: Newman's Bach. Impact: If Anthony Newman had played his cards right, this concert could have led to a renaissance of harpsichord music, but instead, it just made people wonder why they weren't at a rock concert.. Fact: Harpsichords are like the hipsters of the music world; they were popular once, faded away, and now pretend to be 'vintage.'.
• Headline: ODD‐EVEN GAS SALES BEGIN FOR THE AREA ON JERSEY PARKWAY. Impact: The odd-even gas sales system could have led to an entire culture of gas station socializing, where people met their future spouses while waiting in line. Love blooms in the most unexpected places!. Fact: Did you know that waiting in line for gas can burn more calories than a typical gym workout? Who needs a treadmill when you've got a gas station?.
• Headline: Daniel Daly, 74, Dies; Had Been Police Chief Of Housing Authority. Impact: Daniel Daly’s passing could have sparked a nationwide conversation about police chiefs and their hidden talents, but instead, it just left a gaping hole in the Housing Authority that no one knew how to fill.. Fact: Did you know that many police chiefs have more paperwork than actual crime to deal with? It's like being a glorified librarian with a badge..
• Headline: Carter Sends Congress Trade Bill for Approval. Impact: Carter's trade bill could have launched a thousand industries, but it instead made Congress take an extended vacation, proving the old adage that nothing says 'productive' like a well-timed summer break.. Fact: Trade bills are like that friend who always brings snacks to a party; they may not seem important, but they keep everyone happy and fed..