JUNE 6, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Harvard Class of '54: A Legacy of Excellence. Impact: The success of the Class of '54 inspired countless future generations to attend Harvard, leading to an endless cycle of elite privilege. Who knew that a bunch of overachievers would result in the creation of an unbreakable chain of trust funds?. Fact: Did you know that all those successful graduates still use their degrees to justify their questionable life choices? Go Harvard!.
• Headline: Exploring Careers in Technical Writing. Impact: The rise of technical writers paved the way for countless jargon-filled manuals and incomprehensible user agreements, which continue to haunt us all as we click 'Agree' without reading.. Fact: Fun fact: Technical writing is the only profession where people are paid to make things sound less clear than they actually are..
• Headline: Columbia Pictures Launches Test Patterns Division. Impact: Columbia Pictures' Test Patterns division created a new genre of commercials that eventually led to an entire generation of viewers being desensitized to two-minute ads disguised as cinematic experiences. Thanks, Columbia!. Fact: Did you know that the average viewer now spends more time watching commercials than actual content? Bravo, advertising!.
• Headline: Court Reaffirms Support of Rule Banning Data Obtained Illegally. Impact: By reaffirming the exclusionary rule, the Supreme Court ensured that law enforcement would have to play by the rules, which paradoxically led to a rise in creative police tactics—like the art of asking nicely.. Fact: This ruling is a classic case of 'don't worry, we still have a chance at justice, as long as the cops don't get too creative.'.
• Headline: Builders of the Three Mile Island Reactor Blame Utility for Accident. Impact: The blame game at Three Mile Island started a trend of shifting responsibility in the nuclear industry, leading to a culture of finger-pointing that still thrives today—just ask any politician.. Fact: The Three Mile Island incident was so impactful that it made the phrase 'it's not my fault' a staple in corporate communication..
• Headline: 202d Session of Legislature Is Ending Amid Great Quiet. Impact: The 'great quiet' during the legislative session gave rise to the myth that politicians were actually getting work done—oh, the irony!. Fact: Fun fact: The quietest moments in legislature are often the most productive... said no one ever..
• Headline: Office Rents Found Up 50% in 2 Years. Impact: A 50% increase in office rents sent corporate America into a tailspin, leading to the rise of remote work and the eventual collapse of the cubicle as a cultural institution. Who could have guessed that a rent hike would save us all from office life?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing rising faster than office rents is the number of people working in their pajamas? Thank you, economy!.