JUNE 5, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Franklin County Education Advocacy Success. Impact: The successful prevention of the shutdown by Judge Keller allowed Franklin County to keep its educational institutions open, which in turn led to generations of students who would one day invent reality TV, thus changing the landscape of entertainment forever. Thanks, education!. Fact: Education: the only thing that can simultaneously uplift society and lead to the invention of reality television.
• Headline: Texans Packing Extra Gas Tanks In a New Age of Fuel Shortages. Impact: This proactive Texan behavior caused a ripple effect, fostering a culture of over-preparation that would lead to the infamous 'Y2K' panic. Who knew extra gas tanks would inspire a nationwide obsession with stockpiling toilet paper?. Fact: Did you know that Texans are so resourceful they could probably fuel a rocket with the amount of extra gas tanks they own? Just in case, you know, they need to escape to Mars.
• Headline: Ex‐Gov. Faubus Said to Use State Police for Spying. Impact: Faubus's political machinations eventually led to a distrust in government that would echo through the ages, fueling conspiracy theorists and TV shows about political corruption for decades. Thanks, Faubus, for the FBI’s new motto: 'We’re Watching You!'. Fact: A little-known fact: State police spying could have been a reality show—'Keeping Up with Faubus'—but legal issues got in the way.
• Headline: BOTH MAJOR PARTIES LOSE SOME STRENGTH IN ITALIAN ELECTION Communists Slip, as Expected, but So Do Christian Democrats — Smaller Groups Gain. Impact: The decline of major parties in Italy resulted in a more fragmented political landscape, which eventually inspired many countries to embrace their own version of chaos, leading to the reality of governments that resemble a toddler's crayon drawing. Fact: Fun fact: In Italy, losing elections is like winning the consolation prize in a game show. You still get to go home with something, but no one really remembers your name.
• Headline: Books of The Times. Impact: Didion's work inspired countless writers to embrace the art of the essay, shaping the literary landscape for years to come—while also ensuring that every coffee shop in America would be filled with wannabe authors typing furiously on their laptops. Fact: Did you know that the act of reviewing books can be a slippery slope? One minute you're critiquing Didion, the next you're writing a memoir about your cat's existential crisis.
• Headline: Behavior Clues Seen In Taste and Smell. Impact: This research on taste and smell opened the floodgates for culinary enthusiasts to claim they could 'smell' a good wine, leading to a rise in overpriced wine-tasting events and a decline in the average consumer's bank account. Fact: Did you know that your sense of smell can influence your taste? So, if you ever find yourself craving pizza while smelling old gym socks, congratulations, you're officially confused!.
• Headline: OBSERVER barreling Toward 1980. Impact: As Russell Baker humorously predicted the dynamics between Kennedy and Carter, it paved the way for future political commentators to make a living off of sarcastic predictions and snarky remarks, ensuring that the world would never run out of political commentary. Fact: Did you know that political humor is the only thing keeping the sanity of voters alive? It's true; laughter is the best medicine, especially when it comes to elections.
• Headline: Supreme Court Roundup States Allowed to Specify Political Party's Structure. Impact: This ruling allowed states to play political matchmaker, inadvertently leading to some of the most bizarre party structures in history—after all, who doesn’t want a political party with a 'Bunny Party' wing?. Fact: Surprisingly, the Supreme Court's decisions can often feel like a game of ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’—only without the lifelines and plenty of confused contestants.