MAY 21, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Review of 'Less Than Normal' Play. Impact: If this play hadn't been reviewed, perhaps the theater world would have continued to churn out mediocre productions, leading to a renaissance of cat videos on the internet as the new form of entertainment. You're welcome, future generations.. Fact: The title 'Less Than Normal' was almost changed to 'Just Enough to Raise Eyebrows' but that was deemed too accurate..
• Headline: Low Turnout Expected in EU Elections. Impact: Low voter turnout in European elections led to a few Brits deciding that politics was just a fancy term for a never-ending soap opera, ultimately resulting in the rise of reality TV as the preferred form of 'government'.. Fact: The British public voted in such small numbers that they could have all fit in a moderately sized pub for a pint instead!.
• Headline: Tragic Navy Helicopter Crash in New Hampshire. Impact: This tragic accident resulted in tighter regulations for military helicopters, which in turn caused engineers to innovate better safety measures. Ironically, this led to a future where everyone started flying drones instead of helicopters, sparking debates on drone rights.. Fact: Helicopter pilots have a special handshake that’s incredibly difficult to master. It’s all about pretending you’re flying a chopper, which is ironic now..
• Headline: Around the Nation. Impact: The failure of Spenkelink's mother to gain clemency access created a ripple effect that led to increased awareness around the clemency process, ultimately inspiring a new Netflix series titled 'Clemency: The Untold Stories'.. Fact: This incident inspired countless memes about the importance of carrying the right paperwork when visiting government buildings..
• Headline: Notes on People. Impact: If Robert S. Strauss hadn’t received this award, he might have decided to turn to interpretive dance to express his community service, which would have dramatically shifted the Texas arts scene.. Fact: The Scopus Award is not just a fancy paperweight; it’s also an excellent conversation starter at dinner parties..
• Headline: Clarence Lewis Jr., 67; Former Aide at Treasury. Impact: Clarence Lewis Jr. passing resulted in the Treasury Department considering hiring a life coach for their aides, leading to a future where all government positions required emotional support animals.. Fact: The only thing Clarence ever collected was stamps, which explains why he was so good with finances – he was always saving up for a first-class ticket to the post office!.
• Headline: Books of TheTimes. Impact: If this article hadn't been published, we might not have had the National Book Awards at all, leading to a world where authors were judged solely by how well they could sell their books at gas stations.. Fact: Christopher Lehmann-Haupt once tried to write a book about writing books but ended up just writing a very long grocery list instead..
• Headline: Budding Engineers Test Designs At Economy‐Minded ‘Indy’. Impact: The engineering competition sparked a new wave of eco-conscious design, ultimately leading to the invention of the world's first solar-powered unicycle, which, let’s be honest, was destined to be a fad.. Fact: The 'Mini-Indy' race was so eco-minded that they even encouraged participants to wear clothes made from recycled materials – mostly because they couldn't afford anything else..
• Headline: Swindlers in Arizona Said to Make Millions. Impact: The swindlers in Arizona prompted a national obsession with crime documentaries, which in turn led to a spike in popcorn sales as Americans settled in for a binge-watching marathon of 'How to Not Get Scammed'.. Fact: The phrase 'money doesn't grow on trees' was invented in Arizona as a warning to anyone thinking about investing in a cactus farm..
• Headline: Time to Spare. Impact: Jerzy Kosinski's article about the National Book Awards inadvertently led to the birth of the 'Bookstagram' phenomenon, where people take pictures of books in aesthetically pleasing locations instead of actually reading them.. Fact: Kosinski once tried to enter his own book into the awards but was disqualified for using too many metaphors about existential dread..