APRIL 28, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Carton Pricing Suit Acquittals Announced. Impact: The acquittal of these cardboard box moguls led to a bizarre series of events where corporate executives believed they were invincible, paving the way for the rise of the cardboard fort culture in suburban backyards. Children everywhere began to think they could build their empires, leading to a national shortage of tape and a thriving black market for glitter.. Fact: Did you know that cardboard boxes were once considered the pinnacle of luxury packaging? Now they just hold your online shopping regrets..
• Headline: Velsicol Chemical Indictment Uncovered. Impact: This cover-up incident sparked a revolution in corporate transparency, leading to the invention of the 'honesty box'—a small box where executives could anonymously confess their sins. Unfortunately, it was only used for office coffee thefts.. Fact: Fun fact: PBB is not a new hipster coffee blend, but rather a toxic chemical that you definitely don't want in your morning brew..
• Headline: NUCLEAR COMMISSION ORDERS A SHUTDOWN FOR SOME REACTORS. Impact: The shutdown of these reactors led to an unexpected spike in candle sales across the nation, as people began to embrace the artisanal lifestyle of living without power. Little did they know, it was just a phase.. Fact: Did you know that in the event of a nuclear meltdown, the safest place to be is in a different universe? Just a thought!.
• Headline: No Answer Is the Answer. Impact: Tony Aylward's decision to ditch his answering machine led to the rise of 'ghosting' as a cultural phenomenon—where people learned to just ignore calls instead of being polite. Thanks, Tony!. Fact: Did you know that people once used answering machines to screen calls? Now we just let them go straight to voicemail, because who has time for that?.
• Headline: Day of ntrigue And Confusion Shrouded Trade. Impact: The secret trade exchange set a precedent for all future meetings, leading to the infamous 'Secret Handshake Club' where no one knew what was going on, but everyone pretended to.. Fact: Did you know that the NYC Police were probably just thrilled not to have to deal with any of this? Their secret to success: ignorance is bliss!.
• Headline: Carter Induces Sears to Cut Prices; Council Cites Two Paper Concerns. Impact: Carter's intervention with Sears became the template for future presidential interventions, leading to an era where every time you bought a pair of socks, you felt a hint of government oversight. It was like a weird, bureaucratic hug.. Fact: Did you know that the price of paper has fluctuated more than your average teenager’s mood? It’s a real rollercoaster!.
• Headline: Dissident Release Praised by Leaders of U.S. Jewish Groups Nand Others. Impact: The praise for the release of Soviet dissidents led to a global rise in activism, and suddenly everyone became a 'freedom fighter.' Coffee shops were filled with people discussing the merits of civil rights and artisan pastries.. Fact: Did you know that the struggle for dissidents has inspired countless movies? Because nothing says 'freedom' like a popcorn-fueled blockbuster!.
• Headline: The Soviet Spies. Impact: The exchange of spies for dissidents led to an ongoing trend of 'trade-offs' in politics—where every time someone did something wrong, they'd get a free pass if they promised to give someone else a cookie.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'spy swap' sounds much more fun than it is? It’s not like they sit down for tea and have a good chat about who’s got the better secrets..
• Headline: U.S. FREES TWO SPIES FOR FIVE DLSSIDENTS JAILED BY RUSSIANS.