APRIL 18, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Decade-Old TV Music Ruling Questions. Impact: This decade-old music question led to the invention of the 'Time Traveling Jukebox', which allows historians to hear the music of the past—only to realize it still sounds terrible. Thanks, ASCAP!. Fact: Did you know that broadcasting laws are so complex that they could make a Rubik's Cube seem like a simple crossword puzzle?.
• Headline: Southwest Bank Reduces Prime Rate. Impact: This minor cut in the prime rate led to a decade of financial confusion, which eventually inspired a series of motivational posters with quotes like 'Every quarter counts!'. Fact: Did you know that a 0.25% decrease is basically what Wall Street considers a 'huge win'? They celebrate it like they just won the Super Bowl..
• Headline: UAW President Critiques Wage Guidelines. Impact: Fraser's declaration that the wage guidelines have 'self-destructed' led to a chain reaction of unions across the nation forming secret societies to bring back the 'good old days' of labor negotiations—complete with secret handshakes.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'self-destructed' is often used by unions to describe their negotiations with management? It's like a magic trick where the rabbit never comes out of the hat..
• Headline: 2 IRANIAN LEADERS MAKE SHARP ATTACK ON KHOMEINI UNITS. Impact: The criticism of Khomeini's council led to a series of power struggles that could fill a soap opera—complete with dramatic betrayals and cliffhangers that left historians on the edge of their seats.. Fact: Did you know that the power dynamics in Iran could make Game of Thrones look like a friendly game of chess?.
• Headline: Pennsy Settlement Is Sought on Unit. Impact: The settlement with Penn Tunnel & Terminal RR resulted in the establishment of the 'Great American Law Firm,' which specializes in turning complicated financial disputes into gripping courtroom dramas.. Fact: Did you know that legal settlements are the adult version of 'let's agree to disagree'—but with way more paperwork?.
• Headline: Amin Foes Seize Key Jinja Bridge. Impact: The seizure of the Jinja Bridge turned into a viral meme, inspiring countless internet challenges around the theme of 'bridge-seizing' that have nothing to do with actual politics.. Fact: Did you know that bridge seizures are now a trending topic, but only if you're talking about literally crossing bridges and not what this headline implies?.
• Headline: At Coast Weekly, a Day of Rejoicing at Press Time. Impact: The little newspaper's day of rejoicing inspired a new trend in micro-publishing, leading to a thousand more tiny newspapers that no one reads but everyone pretends to care about.. Fact: Did you know that most small-town newspapers exist solely to remind their readers that they could be famous too, if only they wrote about their cat more often?.
• Headline: Dr. Henry D. Taterka Dies at 75; Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist. Impact: Dr. Taterka's passing marked the end of an era of ENT specialists who, despite their expertise, couldn't convince anyone that 'ear, nose, and throat' was a cool specialty to brag about at parties.. Fact: Did you know that ENT specialists have the best stories, but they only tell them at very specific medical conferences? Spoiler alert: it usually involves a lot of mucus..