APRIL 10, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: John F Keenan Elected OTB President. Impact: John F. Keenan's presidency of the OTB led to a series of questionable gambling reforms that somehow inspired a reality TV show about betting on the weather. Yes, people actually bet on whether it would rain.. Fact: Did you know that being elected OTB president is basically the same as being elected prom king? Only the stakes are higher and nobody gets a crown..
• Headline: Carter's Incomplete Privacy Proposals. Impact: Carter's privacy proposals sparked an underground movement that ultimately led to the creation of the world's first 'Privacy App', which only tracks your secrets if you pay extra. Welcome to the future!. Fact: Surprise! Privacy proposals are like diet plans: everyone says they'll follow them, but no one actually does..
• Headline: Art Placement Proposal for Founding Parents. Impact: The decision to hang George and Martha's paintings in the Met resulted in a global art movement where all portraits were required to have a minimum of three feet between them. It's a masterpiece of spacing.. Fact: Fun fact: George and Martha Washington actually preferred a gallery filled with potted plants instead of portraits, but you know, they didn't have the option..
• Headline: Yanks Set to Activate Beniquez Soon. Impact: The Yankees' deal with Cablevision transformed sports broadcasting forever, leading to a future where people can watch 50 different angles of a player tying his shoe. Talk about a home run!. Fact: Did you know that watching sports on TV burns calories? Just kidding, but at least it gives you an excuse to sit on the couch all day..
• Headline: Baston Takes Archery. Impact: Rodney Baston and Linda Magratten's archery victory inspired an entire generation to take up the sport, leading to the creation of indoor archery-themed coffee shops. Shotgun lattes, anyone?. Fact: Did you know archery is the only sport where you can be a 'target' and still be cool? Just ask Katniss Everdeen..
• Headline: House Acts to Cut Syria From Economic Aid Bill. Impact: Cutting aid to Syria led to a diplomatic disaster that resulted in a future where politicians had to attend sensitivity training workshops on how to not make things worse. Spoiler: it didn't help.. Fact: Fun fact: economic aid decisions are like choosing which flavor of ice cream to get—everyone has an opinion, but nobody can agree..
• Headline: China Beats U.S. Squad In Basketball by 104‐96. Impact: China's victory over the U.S. in basketball led to a series of international tensions that eventually resulted in the world's first 'Basketball Diplomacy' summit, where leaders discussed trade while shooting hoops.. Fact: Did you know that losing to a military basketball team is considered a national tragedy in some countries? No pressure, right?.
• Headline: Poll Shows Sharp Rise Since ‘77 In Opposition to Nuclear Plants. Impact: The sharp rise in opposition to nuclear plants has led to a future where people are more likely to embrace solar-powered everything, including their coffee makers. Welcome to the eco-friendly age!. Fact: Fun fact: 'Nuclear' is just a fancy word for 'I hope this doesn't blow up in my face.'.