APRIL 2, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Debunking Aztec Cannibalism Myths. Impact: If cannibalism was just a figment of imagination, then perhaps the Aztecs would have been known for their fabulous dinner parties instead. Imagine the invite: 'Come for the tacos, stay for the human-shaped piñatas!'. Fact: Fun fact: The Aztecs might have preferred a good old-fashioned barbecue over human steak! Just kidding, they were great at parties, but not that kind..
• Headline: Baton Twirling's Global Showcase in Venice. Impact: The baton twirlers of today might just be the secret agents of tomorrow. Who knew that spinning sticks could lead to world peace? Forget missiles; it's all about the twirl!. Fact: Did you know that baton twirling requires more coordination than a politician managing a press conference? Now that's a skill!.
• Headline: Books of The Times. Impact: Books are timeless, but the reviews? Well, they echo through the ages like a bad echo in a poorly designed public restroom. One can only hope that John Leonard's insights were as profound as his coffee intake.. Fact: Did you know that 'Books of The Times' could also be titled 'Books of When We Remember to Read'? A real page-turner, if you will..
• Headline: Republicans Seek to Regain Seat Of Slain Representative on Coast. Impact: If Republicans regain the seat of a slain representative, it could spark a trend of political resurrection. Next up: ‘Zombie Politicians: The Comeback Tour’!. Fact: Did you know that in politics, losing a seat is just a dramatic pause before the sequel? Stay tuned for the next episode!.
• Headline: Jazz: Preservation Hall Band. Impact: Preservation Hall Band performing might just be the reason jazz survived the onslaught of pop music. Who knew that preserving jazz could be the secret to keeping the world sane?. Fact: Did you know that jazz is basically just organized chaos? Kind of like a family reunion, but with better rhythm!.
• Headline: Music: Two Guests Join Tarr Brass Ensemble. Impact: The Tarr Brass Ensemble with guests is a reminder that sometimes all you need to elevate a performance is a couple of extra instruments and a dash of desperation.. Fact: Fun fact: Joining a brass ensemble is like being part of a musical version of 'Survivor'. Only the best blowers survive!.
• Headline: WALKOUT IS STARTED BY TUGBOAT CREWS. Impact: The tugboat crews walking out is just another reminder that the world runs on the backs of those who refuse to budge. Let's hope the refuse doesn't pile up too high!. Fact: Did you know that a tugboat strike is just a fancy way of saying, 'We’d rather not drown in garbage today'?.
• Headline: CAREY SEEKS POWER TO MERGE 11 COURTS AND SELECT JUDGES. Impact: Merging 11 courts sounds like a bureaucratic game of Jenga. One wrong move, and the whole legal system could come crashing down. Who needs stability when you have chaos?. Fact: Fun fact: Merging courts is a bit like trying to merge lanes during rush hour—everyone just gets confused, and someone ends up honking!.