MARCH 17, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Visiting Grandma and Grandpa's Farm. Impact: If Albert Haley had not visited his grandparents' farm, the internet might have never been invented! Okay, maybe that's a stretch, but you can bet that his tales inspired countless future family gatherings where someone inevitably brings out the family photo album that no one asked for.. Fact: Did you know that every time someone mentions the word 'grandparents,' a millennial rolls their eyes and thinks of the last time they had to explain how to use a smartphone?.
• Headline: Fraudulent Apartment Scheme in NYC. Impact: Thanks to Kenneth Friscia, the fine art of scamming has reached new heights. His infamous fraudulent apartment scheme prompted NYC to develop a level of bureaucracy that would make even the most patient of souls weep, leading to a future where renting a place comes with a five-page disclaimer and a blood oath.. Fact: Did you know that in NYC, finding an apartment is often more difficult than finding a unicorn? At least unicorns are mythical creatures; apartments are just mythical pricing..
• Headline: Navigating School Bus Contract Challenges. Impact: The failure to negotiate school bus contracts effectively means that future generations of NYC students might just be walking to school. Thanks to the complexities of bureaucracy, we may see a revival of kids showing up in the wrong places, leading to future detective novels where kids solve mysteries instead of taking the bus.. Fact: Did you know that NYC school buses could double as a roller coaster? With the way they drive, you might just get the thrill of a lifetime—if only you could get on one..
• Headline: SINAI PULLOUT COST PUT NEAR $4 BILLION. Impact: The $4 billion cost of withdrawing from Sinai may have led to future leaders deciding that diplomacy is preferable to financially draining military operations. And so, a butterfly flaps its wings and the next thing you know, world leaders are discussing peace over coffee instead of war over maps.. Fact: Did you know that $4 billion could fund a small country's entire education system? But hey, who needs educated citizens when you have tanks and airfields?.
• Headline: Group Plans Challenge in Court To New York State Alimony Law. Impact: The challenge to New York State's alimony law might just be the spark that ignites a revolution in divorce proceedings, leading to future couples debating alimony over dinner with more drama than a reality TV show.. Fact: Did you know that alimony is just a fancy way of saying, 'I can’t believe you took half my stuff?'.
• Headline: Books of The Times Falling Into Love. Impact: John Updike's musings on love might have inadvertently led to a whole generation of romantics trying to find themselves in his words, resulting in an explosion of poetry slams and awkward Tinder dates.. Fact: Did you know that reading Updike is still considered a 'highbrow' activity? Good luck impressing someone at a bar with that one!.
• Headline: Green Traditions, Old and New. Impact: St. Patrick's Day celebrations have evolved into a worldwide phenomenon, leading to countless inebriated attempts at Irish dancing and an increase in green beer production. Who knew a holiday about a saint would turn into a global excuse to drink?. Fact: Did you know that 90% of people who celebrate St. Patrick's Day are not actually Irish? But hey, who doesn’t love an excuse to wear green and pretend they’re part of a rich cultural heritage?.
• Headline: New York State Bars Burning of ‘Dirty Oil’ By Con Ed and Others. Impact: New York's decision to bar the burning of 'dirty oil' could lead to a future where environmental laws become so convoluted that even a genius lawyer struggles to keep up, ultimately leading to a black market for good ol' dirty fossil fuels.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'dirty oil' is a euphemism for 'I have no idea what I'm doing but let's pretend this is a good idea'?.
• Headline: A Changed Santana Band Presents Its New Sound. Impact: The Santana band's new sound might have influenced the evolution of rock music, paving the way for genres like fusion and those awkward 'experimental' albums that nobody quite knows how to classify.. Fact: Did you know that Santana's music is often described as a 'blend of rock and Latin sounds'? I guess that's one way to sell records—you know, by being good at more than one thing!.