MARCH 14, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Skyscraper Construction Begins on Park Avenue. Impact: This groundbreaking moment not only heralded the rise of more skyscrapers, leading to modern-day Manhattan's skyline, but it also created a butterfly effect of overpriced coffee shops and overpriced real estate. One can only wonder if the tenants ever regretted their choice when they realized they could have just rented a small island instead. Fact: The first skyscraper was built in 1885. So really, we're just a few hundred years late to the 'let’s build up instead of out' party!.
• Headline: Waterway Construction Lawsuit Denied. Impact: This ruling led to the Tennessee-Tombigbee Waterway becoming a vital shipping route, which inadvertently contributed to a surge in southern BBQ sauce production because, you know, you can't have a waterway without a BBQ joint nearby. Who knew judges were such culinary influencers?. Fact: The Tennessee-Tombigbee Waterway is so long, it could take you weeks to canoe its entire length. Just kidding—don't canoe it. There are much better ways to waste your time!.
• Headline: Middle‐Income Families Facing Housing Barriers. Impact: The struggles of middle-income families initiated a nationwide housing crisis that would eventually lead to hipsters moving into abandoned warehouses. Who knew that gentrification could be sparked by a lack of affordable housing?. Fact: The term 'affordable housing' is often considered an oxymoron in urban planning. Kind of like 'jumbo shrimp' or 'adult supervision'!.
• Headline: Sohio Cancels a Pipeline to Carry Alaskan Oil From Coast to Texas. Impact: This cancellation not only saved Sohio from a multi-billion dollar headache but also led to a rise in environmental activism. Consequently, it inspired the creation of 'Save the Whales' bumper stickers that still annoy drivers to this day. Fact: The oil industry has more plot twists than a soap opera. Every cancellation is like the season finale, leaving everyone wondering what will happen next!.
• Headline: Revised Figures Point to Rise in New York City's Jobs. Impact: The job growth in NYC led to a minor influx of people who thought they could afford the rent but ended up living in shoebox apartments instead. The success of NYC's economy has thus perpetuated the myth that living in a closet is 'the new chic.'. Fact: NYC has more job titles than you can shake a stick at. Seriously, there's even a 'Chief Unicorn Officer' at some startups. No joke!.
• Headline: ACCORD IS REACIIED ON CONVENTION SITE FOR NEW YORK CITY. Impact: The decision to build a new convention center ironically led to the creation of countless 'I was at the convention that changed everything' t-shirts, establishing a new economy for novelty apparel that still thrives today. Fact: Convention centers are the adult version of playgrounds—just with less fun and more networking awkwardness. Who doesn't love a good business card exchange?.
• Headline: Begin Hails Egyptian Acceptance, Calls Treaty Possible Within Week. Impact: This moment marked the beginning of a fragile peace that would ripple through Middle Eastern politics for decades. It brought hope, tension, and a lot of diplomatic dinners where no one actually eats the food. Fact: The Camp David Accords were so significant that they made history classes more interesting and sparked endless debates at family gatherings about who really won!.