MARCH 5, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Public Workers Vote After Strike in Pontiac. Impact: The end of this picketing led to a peaceful resolution that inadvertently inspired a nationwide trend of voting on workplace contracts, culminating in a future where every coffee break discussion includes the phrase 'let's vote on it!'. Fact: Did you know that the most heated debates at water coolers now revolve around whether the coffee machine should be replaced? Thanks, Pontiac!.
• Headline: Tanzanian Troops Advance on Kampala. Impact: As Amin faced military pressure, his downfall set off a chain reaction of geopolitical shifts in Africa, eventually inspiring dictators worldwide to take public speaking classes on how to sound less like a villain.. Fact: Amin was not only a dictator but also a self-proclaimed heavyweight boxing champion. Talk about a multi-talented individual... in all the wrong ways..
• Headline: A Farewell Appearance By Thomas. Impact: This farewell concert not only marked the end of an era for the Buffalo Philharmonic but also led to a surge in 'retirement' parties for conductors, resulting in an epidemic of cake and confetti in concert halls across America.. Fact: Conductors are the only musicians who can make a room full of people clap at the same time without even playing a note. Magic!.
• Headline: Music of U.S. and Cuba Mixes at Havana Festival. Impact: The Havana Jam opened up the floodgates for musical exchanges that would later inspire countless hipsters to claim they've 'always been into Cuban jazz' long before it was cool.. Fact: This festival was the first time U.S. musicians had performed in Cuba in 20 years! Imagine the awkward small talk about how to order a mojito in a foreign land..
• Headline: For Sale: Isle of Saints and Kings. Impact: The sale of this historic island led to a modern-day treasure hunt craze, with millennials now scouring the globe for Instagrammable real estate that once housed saints, kings, and probably a few very confused tourists.. Fact: If you ever wanted to own an island with a rich history, now's your chance! Or just buy a beach towel and claim your own piece of paradise..
• Headline: City Officials Link Mobsters To 7 School‐Bus Companies. Impact: This revelation about mobsters running bus companies led to a future where parents began to wonder if their kids were getting a 'field trip' or a ride in a 'family business.'. Fact: Organized crime and school buses—now that's a combination nobody saw coming! But hey, at least the kids were learning about real-life economics..
• Headline: 2 ‘Badboys’ In 2d Crash. Impact: Bobby Allison's victory and the associated crash became a cautionary tale that led to an explosion of safety regulations in racing, making future racers more concerned about their helmets than their egos.. Fact: In racing, you can crash and still win—unlike in life, where you're often just left with a pile of bills and a broken heart..