MARCH 3, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Eagles Face NFL Investigation for Rule Violations. Impact: The Eagles' alleged rule violations led to an entire generation of fans questioning the integrity of the NFL. This spiraled into a massive conspiracy theory that birds might actually be government surveillance drones, creating the 'Avian Overlords' movement.. Fact: Did you know that the NFL's idea of 'fair play' often means 'let's just ignore the rules until we get caught'?.
• Headline: Howard Golden Protests CBS's Flatbush Series. Impact: Howard Golden's protests led to a decades-long debate on media representation, which eventually birthed reality TV—so thanks for that, Brooklyn.. Fact: Fun fact: The portrayal of neighborhoods on TV is as accurate as a fortune cookie prediction..
• Headline: Orlando Ballet Dazzles at Riverside Festival. Impact: The Riverside Dance Festival's success inspired countless people to take up ballet in Orlando, inadvertently leading to a spike in tutus being worn in public. The ensuing fashion crisis is still felt today.. Fact: Did you know that ballet shoes are a great way to dance your way into a pair of overpriced leotards?.
• Headline: Fund‐Raising Oversight Agency Begun by Evanzelical Christians. Impact: The formation of this oversight agency sparked a trend in transparent fundraising, ultimately leading to a future where even your grandma needs to provide a detailed budget for her bake sales.. Fact: Did you know that evangelicals can raise money faster than a magician can pull a rabbit out of a hat? Just ask their accountants..
• Headline: Kenneth De Lap's Ozone Dances In From Minneapolis. Impact: The Ozone Dance Company’s performances inadvertently inspired a new wave of environmental awareness in the arts, leading to a future where every dance piece includes a detailed carbon footprint report.. Fact: Did you know that 'Ozone Dances' is also the name of the dance you do when you realize you left your windows down during a rainstorm?.
• Headline: PRESIDENT CONFERS WITH BEGIN ON PACT; NO PROGRESS IS SEEN. Impact: The lack of progress in these peace talks led to a long history of diplomatic meetings that could have been summarized in a single email, prompting future leaders to avoid face-to-face discussions altogether.. Fact: Did you know that diplomatic meetings often require more coffee than actual progress? It's the secret ingredient..
• Headline: Trial of Gray and Aides Delayed. Impact: The trial delay opened the floodgates for legal loopholes and procedural shenanigans that would become a permanent fixture in the American judicial system. Maybe someday they'll even make a reality show about it.. Fact: Did you know that 'trial by jury' actually means 'trial by confusion' for most people involved?.
• Headline: Beach Boys Play Some Old and Some New Things. Impact: The Beach Boys’ ability to mix old and new inspired countless bands to reinterpret their back catalogs, ultimately leading to a world where nostalgia is a genre on its own.. Fact: Did you know that if you play 'Good Vibrations' backward, you can hear the sound of your childhood being sold to the highest bidder?.
• Headline: Home‐Rule Plan Suffers Setback In British Votes. Impact: The ambiguous approval for home rule sparked a slew of debates, which in turn led to an endless cycle of referendums. This has made British politics the envy of soap opera writers everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more confusing than British politics is trying to understand their tea preferences?.