FEBRUARY 25, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Global Artistic Expressions. Impact: The exhibition inspired a secret society of artists who believed their doodles could predict future events. Spoiler alert: they were wrong, but it did lead to a rise in overpriced art classes.. Fact: Did you know that many of these artists were also fantastic at drawing stick figures? A lost talent clearly..
• Headline: States Explore Tax and Spending Innovations. Impact: The tax reduction strategies led to a nationwide trend of 'creative accounting,' resulting in the invention of the 'write-off' party. Everyone brought their receipts and pretended they were getting something back.. Fact: Did you know that tax cuts have never been as popular as the latest TikTok dance? But hey, who doesn't love avoiding taxes while busting a move?.
• Headline: Dining at Fenimore Cooper Inn. Impact: The inn became a hub for literary discussions, but it ultimately sparked a nationwide trend of naming inns after authors. Imagine staying at the Hemingway Hotel, where the bar serves 'bleeding heart' cocktails.. Fact: Did you know that James Fenimore Cooper never actually stayed at his own inn? Just like how most people don't stay at their local 'diner' for coffee..
• Headline: IN THE NATION. Impact: This energy-conservation effort backfired into a national obsession with idle time, leading to the invention of 'couch surfing' as a sport. The winners? Definitely not the highways.. Fact: Did you know that Amtrak once had a 'try to stay awake' competition? Just kidding, that was every train ride ever..
• Headline: The Ballet World Has a New Impresario. Impact: James Nederlander's rise to fame inspired a wave of wannabe impresarios who believed they could sell out arenas with interpretive dance about their grocery shopping. Shockingly, it didn’t work.. Fact: Did you know that Nederlander once tried to produce a ballet about the history of staplers? It was a riveting flop..
• Headline: Inguiry on Fire Called Futile. Impact: The fire inquiry being deemed futile led to a conspiracy theory that the fire was actually a cover-up for a secret government experiment involving marshmallows. Because why not?. Fact: Did you know that fires in history have often been blamed on marshmallows? Just look it up, if you dare!.
• Headline: Reporters, Taken to Front in Vietnam With U.S. Legislator, Come Under Chinese Fire. Impact: The journalists' experience in Vietnam led to a new age of war reporting, where journalists started wearing helmets with 'please shoot me' stickers. It was a bold marketing strategy.. Fact: Did you know that many journalists have since taken to heart the phrase 'keep your head down'? It's now a thing, probably..
• Headline: SPORTS. Impact: The racquetball dispute sparked a nationwide 'who invented what' competition, leading to the tragic birth of overly competitive book clubs discussing who invented the book.. Fact: Did you know that racquetball was originally called 'sweaty ball'? Just kidding, but it could have been!.
• Headline: Endless Endless Endless February. Impact: February's eternal gloom inspired a new genre of music called 'February Blues,' which was ironically popular in every other month but February. Go figure.. Fact: Did you know February is the only month that can’t decide if it wants 28 or 29 days? Commitment issues, much?.
• Headline: For the Do‐It‐Yourself Taxpayer.... Impact: The DIY tax guide led to an explosion of home tax preparation businesses, where everyone pretended to be an accountant until the IRS showed up. Spoiler: that didn't end well.. Fact: Did you know DIY tax prep is a great way to pretend you're an adult? Just like using a fancy coffee maker without knowing how it works!.