FEBRUARY 10, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pauline Koner Troupe Honors Doris Humphrey. Impact: This tribute dance inadvertently inspired a generation of interpretive dancers to explore 'Inanimate Object' themes, leading to a global obsession with 'dancing refrigerators' in the 90s. Fact: Did you know that Doris Humphrey invented the concept of 'fall and recovery'? It's basically what happens when you trip over your own feet while trying to impress someone on the dance floor.
• Headline: Budget Insights from Gov. Grasso. Impact: Mrs. Grasso’s unwavering approach to budget assessments led to a national trend of politicians ignoring their budgets entirely, resulting in the creation of the 'We'll Figure It Out Later' party. Fact: Did you know that assessing a budget is a bit like doing your taxes? One is a nightmare that makes you question your life choices, and the other is… well, it’s just taxes.
• Headline: City Hall Split: Gloves Are Off. Impact: The splits in City Hall resulted in a sudden increase in professional wrestling matches among politicians, proving that sometimes the best way to resolve a dispute is to throw chairs. Fact: Did you know that 'gloves off' was originally a phrase used in 19th-century boxing? So, at least they’re keeping tradition alive while trying to redevelop the Bronx.
• Headline: Congressmeng Try to Revive Plans For Redeveloping the South Bronx. Impact: The failed redevelopment plans led to the creation of a secret society of architects who now meet annually to lament the 'what ifs' of urban planning while sipping overpriced lattes. Fact: Did you know that the South Bronx redevelopment plans had more ups and downs than a soap opera? If only the plot twists included a happy ending.
• Headline: Mt. Kisco Is Early Example Of the Effect of Revaluation. Impact: The property tax increases in Mt. Kisco set off a chain reaction of property tax protests nationwide, resulting in the first 'Taxpayer's Dance Party' where residents danced in protest and accidentally discovered they could have fun. Fact: Did you know that property revaluation is basically the government saying, 'Surprise! Your house is worth more, so give us more money!'? It’s like a birthday gift you didn’t ask for.
• Headline: TROOPS SAID TO KILL KHOMEINI'S BACKERS AT IRANIAN AIR BASE. Impact: This violent event marked a turning point in Iranian politics, leading to the eventual rise of a new generation that would wear ironic t-shirts proclaiming 'Khomeini supporters were misunderstood'. Fact: The turmoil during Khomeini's rise to power was so intense that it could practically be a blockbuster film—if only Hollywood could find a way to make it entertaining without the tragic outcomes.
• Headline: DR. HEINRICH KLUEVER. Impact: Dr. Kluever's contributions to his field inspired countless other doctors to use their first name followed by their title, creating the medical community's most egregious case of 'name-dropping' in history. Fact: Did you know that having 'Dr.' in front of your name is basically the academic version of wearing a cape? It doesn’t give you superpowers, but it does get you a lot of respect—until you misplace your PhD.
• Headline: Norwegian, Russian Gain 2d Ski Victories. Impact: The ski trials led to a heated rivalry that sparked a new Olympic sport: competitive snowball fights, which are now the highlight of every winter games. Fact: Did you know that skiing originated as a means of transportation? Imagine telling that to the next kid who dreams of being an Olympic snowball champion—'You know, back in the day, we just wanted to get from point A to B!'.
• Headline: Explosions Occur in 4 Manhattan Manholes. Impact: The manhole explosions led to a city-wide initiative to inspect every underground tunnel, inadvertently making New Yorkers very suspicious of anything that looked remotely like a manhole cover. Fact: Did you know that manhole explosions can be traced back to a combination of poor maintenance and a stubborn refusal to admit that maybe, just maybe, they should check the wiring down there?.