FEBRUARY 5, 1979

Full News Archive

• Headline: NHL All-Stars vs. USSR National Team. Impact: The Russians coming to play hockey led to an unexpected increase in American interest in figure skating. Who knew checking and pirouettes would share a fan base? A butterfly flapped its wings, and now we have Olympic ice dancing.. Fact: Did you know that the NHL All-Stars were actually just a team of players who couldn't decide if they wanted to play for the US or Canada? Talk about commitment issues!.
• Headline: Negotiating Natural Gas with Mexico. Impact: The deal with Mexico over natural gas set a precedent for future negotiations, leading to a cyclical pattern of energy deals where everyone just pretended to agree. Spoiler alert: they never did.. Fact: Did you know that energy negotiations are basically just a bunch of people standing around arguing about how much they can charge each other? It's like a family reunion, but with more spreadsheets..
• Headline: Kuhn Put Cash Ban On Trade. Impact: Calvin Griffith's cash ban on baseball trades changed how teams approached player acquisitions, leading to a future where players were treated like commodities—oh wait, that was already happening.. Fact: Did you know that the real reason for the cash ban was to prevent teams from treating players like Pokémon cards? Not that it worked out that way..
• Headline: Company Shake‐Up on L.I. Pits 3 Brothers in a Dispute. Impact: The company shake-up on Long Island led to a dramatic increase in family therapy sessions, proving that corporate drama is just as riveting as reality TV.. Fact: Did you know that family disputes are just corporate mergers that went horribly wrong? Who knew boardrooms could be so familial?.
• Headline: U.S. Film Box Offices Set A Record Gross in 1978. Impact: The record box office gross in 1978 led to a newfound obsession with sequels and reboots, which means the films of today are just glorified remakes of yesterday's hits. Thanks a lot, 1978.. Fact: Did you know that 'box office records' are just ways for studios to pat themselves on the back? Meanwhile, audiences just want a good popcorn flick..
• Headline: ESSAY Friedman Amendment. Impact: William Safire's prediction about government spending led to an endless cycle of budget cuts and political posturing, resulting in a world where politicians spend more time arguing about money than actually governing.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing politicians love more than spending is talking about how they’re going to stop spending? It’s like a diet where the only food is hot air..