DECEMBER 9, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Newark School Board's Controversial Cuts. Impact: By cutting security guards, Newark inadvertently sets off a nationwide trend where schools decide to tackle violence by simply pretending it doesn't exist. This leads to a bizarre 'Invisible Security' phenomenon where students start a petition to hire imaginary friends as guards.. Fact: Did you know that in the same year, some schools were still debating whether to use chalk or dry-erase markers? Priorities, am I right?.
• Headline: Ensemble Studio Group's Dramatic Showcase. Impact: The success of these one-act plays leads to the creation of a bizarre new genre: the one-line play, which ultimately reduces theatergoers’ attention spans to a mere tweet.. Fact: Fun fact: 'One-act plays' were originally called 'short attention span plays' but were rebranded to sound artsy..
• Headline: Alcoa Explores Aluminum Ventures in China. Impact: This decision prompts a chain reaction where aluminum becomes the new gold, leading to a rush where people start hoarding soda cans just in case. Future generations still wonder why their ancestors had a garage full of empty cans.. Fact: Surprisingly, Alcoa's engineers were also the first to discover that 'aluminum foil hats' can help with conspiracy theories—by keeping the thoughts inside your head instead of broadcasting them..
• Headline: Rostropovich as Conductor. Impact: Rostropovich’s conducting career inspires a future generation of musicians to believe that they, too, can lead orchestras, resulting in an era where every high school band has a 'conductor' who mostly just waves their arms around.. Fact: Did you know Rostropovich was so good that even the violins started to take notes during rehearsals? Talk about pressure!.
• Headline: U.S. to Give Retailers Price Test. Impact: This 'mark-up test' creates a ripple effect where retailers begin to price items based on how much they think customers will complain rather than actual costs. Customers start paying $10 for a cup of coffee because 'it tastes better when it’s overpriced.'. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. once tested a price mark-up on ice cream, only for everyone to agree that the price should just be 'whatever makes me happy'?.
• Headline: Bomb Wrecks Soweto Building. Impact: The devastation from this bombing ignites global awareness about the apartheid struggle, leading to a series of protests and boycotts that reshape international policies. This tragic event becomes a powerful catalyst for change, echoing through the decades.. Fact: The Soweto uprising became a pivotal moment in South African history, serving as a reminder of the resilience of the human spirit in the face of oppression..
• Headline: Singer, in His Nobel Lecture, Hails Yiddish. Impact: Singer's homage to Yiddish results in a worldwide revival of interest in the language, leading to an unexpected trend where hipsters start using Yiddish phrases in everyday conversation, confusing everyone at brunch.. Fact: Interestingly, Yiddish was once the secret language of many comedians who found that making jokes in a language others didn't understand was a great way to avoid hecklers!.
• Headline: Federal Grand Jury, Questions Cult Survivors in San Francisco. Impact: The investigation into cults leads to an increased public awareness around mental health and safety, inspiring a generation of documentaries that detail the bizarre world of cults, ultimately making them a popular theme for reality TV shows.. Fact: This investigation also sparked a conversation about the dangers of charismatic leaders, leading to the creation of the 'Skeptic's Handbook'—which ironically became a bestseller among cults..
• Headline: Dexter Stages ‘Don Pasquale’ for Miss Sills at Met. Impact: This performance at the Met sends opera lovers into a frenzy, leading to an unexpected increase in opera attendance among millennials, who ironically only show up for the Instagram opportunities.. Fact: Beverly Sills was once so popular that her fans were known to camp out for tickets—talk about a dedicated fanbase! Who knew opera could be as intense as a rock concert?.