DECEMBER 5, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Understanding the City's Budget Made Fun. Impact: This budget-making saga could have inadvertently led to the creation of a reality TV show about municipal budgeting. Imagine 'Budget Wars: City Edition', where community board members throw shade at each other while debating cartoonish expenditures!. Fact: The complexity of municipal budgets is rivaled only by the complexity of understanding why your neighbor insists on cutting their lawn at 3 AM..
• Headline: United Airlines Secures Carrier Shares. Impact: This tender offer could have led to United Airlines launching a campaign promising to reunite families on flights, only to later become infamous for losing luggage instead.. Fact: They say love is in the air, but at United, it seems like lost luggage is the more common outcome..
• Headline: Mayor Will Not Attempt to Stop A Kibbee Ouster. Impact: By not stopping Gov. Carey, Mayor Koch may have inadvertently set off a chain reaction of political ousters, leading to a reality show called 'Survivor: Politician Edition'.. Fact: In politics, the ability to oust someone can sometimes be more powerful than the ability to govern. Who knew being a mayor was like being a middle school principal?.
• Headline: Egypt Plans to Abandon. 2‐Tier Exchange Rate. Impact: Egypt’s switch to a single exchange rate could have led to a bizarre time loop where everyone suddenly became a currency trader, leading to the rise of a new Egyptian Wall Street.. Fact: Abandoning a two-tier exchange rate sounds fancy, but it’s just a financial way of saying, 'Let’s simplify our confusion!'.
• Headline: French Get Trade Pact With China. Impact: The trade pact with China could have inadvertently ignited a culinary revolution where French cuisine became the new 'it' food in Beijing, leading to the rise of the croissant dumpling.. Fact: There's nothing like the smell of fresh pastries to distract from the complexities of international trade agreements!.
• Headline: SEX FRATERNIZATION CURBED IN THE ARMY. Impact: The crackdown on fraternization could have led to an unexpected increase in matchmaking services for military personnel, sparking a new trend in 'military romance.'. Fact: Nothing says 'I love you' like a good ol' fashioned military protocol violation... unless you're in the army, then it's just awkward..