NOVEMBER 22, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Schools: Values and Community Survival. Impact: Peshkin's article set off a chain reaction where educators began to take community values seriously, which led to the rise of overly enthusiastic school mascots and the belief that every student is 'special'—even if they can't spell their own name. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more influential than a school is a viral cat video. Guess which one actually teaches life skills?.
• Headline: Cult Leader's Son Exposes Dark Secrets. Impact: Stephan Jones' revelations about his father's cult led to a dramatic increase in the popularity of cult documentaries, which in turn influenced reality TV producers to seek out even stranger groups, resulting in shows that make you question the definition of 'normal.'. Fact: Did you know that drinking cyanide-laced punch is now considered a red flag for party invitations? Who knew?.
• Headline: WASHINGTON Thanks For What?. Impact: J Reston's musings on Thanksgiving Eve somehow convinced millions that being grateful for 'not being in a major war' was a valid substitute for actual gratitude, leading to a long tradition of awkward Thanksgiving dinners and forced family bonding. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more confusing than international relations is trying to explain to your grandma why you still don't have a 'real job'?.
• Headline: Business Reports Getting Costlier. Impact: The revelation that businesses spend billions on paperwork led to a wave of entrepreneurs who focused solely on creating software to simplify forms, ultimately resulting in an entire industry dedicated to making bureaucracy slightly less unbearable. Thanks, I guess?. Fact: Did you know that if all the hours spent on paperwork were converted to gold, we'd still be broke? Bureaucracy: the gift that keeps on taking.
• Headline: GRAVES TEAM ON WAY. Impact: The search for cult members in Guyana became a cautionary tale about the dangers of blind faith, inspiring countless movies and novels about cults, which now have their own section in bookstores—right next to 'How to Be a Better You.'. Fact: Did you know that if you ever feel like your life is a bit too normal, there's a whole genre of literature dedicated to making you feel better about that? Cults, they’re not just for the 'special' people!.
• Headline: One Case of Typhoid Discovered Another Suspected in Brooklyn. Impact: The discovery of typhoid cases in Brooklyn sparked a renewed emphasis on public health, which eventually led to more people washing their hands—an act that, ironically, many still don’t do properly today. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'wash your hands' is actually older than most of your grandparents? Shocking, I know!.
• Headline: CLEVELAND'S MAYOR ENDS A 5‐WEEK REST. Impact: Kucinich's return to work after an ulcer attack highlighted the intense pressure on local leaders, leading to a trend of mayors being more secretive about their health, as if it were a closely guarded state secret. Spoiler: it really wasn’t. Fact: Did you know that mayors, like superheroes, sometimes need to take a break? Too bad their 'rest' isn't usually filled with capes and crime-fighting.
• Headline: The New York Times/Teresa Zabala. Impact: The autographed fiddle album presented to Carter sparked a brief national obsession with fiddling, leading to countless awkward family gatherings where Uncle Bob insisted on playing the fiddle to 'improve morale.' Spoiler: it did not. Fact: Did you know that fiddling is actually a form of advanced multitasking? You can ignore your relatives while pretending to enjoy the music!.
• Headline: Food Stamp Curb Proposed. Impact: The proposed curb on food stamps for those who quit their jobs 'without good cause' led to a massive increase in the number of people suddenly discovering 'good cause,' which is the real reason why we can't have nice things. Fact: Did you know that the only thing harder than finding a job is finding a reason to quit one and still eat? The struggle is real, folks!.