NOVEMBER 14, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Coffin Found May Belong to John the Baptist. Impact: The discovery of this coffin sparked a global search for ancient relics, leading to the unearthing of countless 'lost' artifacts that only added to the confusion of what is actually real history versus what is just a good story for tourists. Eventually, this led to the invention of the 'holy relics' souvenir industry.. Fact: Did you know that John the Baptist is often depicted wearing camel's hair? I guess he really wanted to stand out at parties. Spoiler: he wasn't invited to many..
• Headline: Discover Edvard Munch at National Gallery. Impact: The success of this exhibition led to a worldwide obsession with angst-ridden art, resulting in the birth of countless hipster cafés where every wall is adorned with Munch-inspired existential dread. Thanks, Edvard!. Fact: Did you know that Munch's 'The Scream' has become the ultimate symbol of modern anxiety? Because nothing says 'I have my life together' quite like a painting of a guy having a meltdown..
• Headline: Klein Vetoes Budget Changes. Impact: Klein’s veto turned into a local legend for budget cuts, inspiring future politicians to veto their way to fame, while taxpayers still wonder where their money went. Spoiler alert: it's still missing.. Fact: Did you know that politicians love to play with budgets like kids with LEGO? They just build their own little castles while the rest of us are left with rubble..
• Headline: Spillover From Rhodesian War Unsettles Zambia. Impact: The impact of this unrest would lead to lasting political tensions in the region, shaping the future of African politics and international relations, as well as inspiring countless films and documentaries that often forget to include the real stories of those affected.. Fact: The Rhodesian War was such a complex conflict that even historians struggle to summarize it in a single sentence—much like trying to explain why your friend insists on wearing socks with sandals..
• Headline: Books of The Times. Impact: The review of 'My Moby Dick' sparked a renewed interest in classic literature, leading to a wave of hipster book clubs where people pretended to understand the symbolism while actually just sipping overpriced coffee.. Fact: Did you know that Herman Melville's 'Moby Dick' initially flopped? It turns out people weren't ready for a novel about a whale-sized existential crisis. Who knew?.
• Headline: EDUCATION. Impact: The introduction of competency tests for teachers began a trend of educational reform that continues to battle between standardized testing and actual learning, creating a unique culture where teaching to the test became a full-time job.. Fact: Did you know that standardized tests are often criticized for being like a bad relationship? They promise a lot but usually just leave you stressed and questioning your worth..
• Headline: Assembly Unit Is Investigating Bank Mortgages. Impact: This investigation into bank practices led to a series of regulations that made the mortgage process even more complex, ensuring that by the time you actually bought a house, you were too exhausted to care about what color to paint the walls.. Fact: Did you know that banks love to play hide-and-seek with your money? They say it's for your protection, but we all know they just enjoy the game..
• Headline: Music From Japan Offers 4 New York Premieres. Impact: This concert led to a surge in interest for contemporary Asian music, resulting in an explosion of hip events where people pretended to appreciate avant-garde sounds while secretly wondering when the next pop song would drop.. Fact: Did you know that contemporary music is often just a fancy way of saying 'I could have done that in my garage'? Art is subjective, right?.
• Headline: Tiffany Adding 3 Stories To Its Fifth Ave. Building. Impact: This expansion not only solidified Tiffany's status as a luxury giant but also inspired a nationwide trend of over-the-top retail spaces, convincing people that they need to pay extra for that fancy shopping experience—because obviously, diamonds are a girl's best friend, but square footage is a close second.. Fact: Did you know that Tiffany's blue box is so iconic that it has its own shade of blue? It's called 'Tiffany Blue,' which just goes to show that even colors can be brand-name dropouts..