NOVEMBER 3, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: Candidates for U.S. Senate and Governor 2024. Impact: The 1970s Senate candidates were so mediocre that it set the bar for political debates to become a laughingstock, paving the way for future reality TV stars to think they could run for office too. Thanks, guys!. Fact: In the U.S., the term 'major party' is often just a euphemism for 'we'll take anyone who can spell.'.
• Headline: Governor Grasso's Lead in Elections. Impact: Grasso being the front-runner made other candidates consider running for office just to be the person who lost to the person everyone saw as the obvious choice. Talk about a confidence boost!. Fact: Grasso's campaign was so low-key that even his dog got a better following on social media than he did..
• Headline: Historic Speech Record in Kentucky. Impact: George Clarke-Martin's marathon speech not only broke records but also inspired future candidates to think that the longer they talked, the more votes they’d get. Cue endless filibusters!. Fact: After 31 hours, Clarke-Martin's throat was so sore that he couldn't even scream 'Vote for me!'.
• Headline: TENG TRANSFORMING CHINA OF MAO's ERA. Impact: Teng's policies may have saved China from economic chaos, but they also inadvertently inspired a whole generation of politicians who thought they could just wing it. Thanks for raising the bar, Teng!. Fact: Teng Hsiao-ping's pragmatic reforms were so effective that even fortune cookies began giving out business advice..
• Headline: Bradley Is Favored Over Bell in Jersey Race for Senate. Impact: Bill Bradley's popularity over Jeffrey Bell made it clear that voters would rather choose a former athlete than a guy named 'Jeffrey.' The bar is officially set at 'not sounding like a character from a 90s sitcom.'. Fact: Bill Bradley’s campaign slogan was 'Vote for me, I can shoot better than Bell.'.
• Headline: Carey and Duryea Clash Over Finances in Debate. Impact: Carey and Duryea's debate about finances was the start of the great American pastime of politicians arguing about money while forgetting that the average voter has no idea what a balanced budget looks like.. Fact: Financial debates are just politicians trying to make spreadsheets sound exciting. Spoiler: They don't..
• Headline: U.S. Officials Fearful That Shah May Lose Control If He Does Not Take Decisive Steps Within 2 Days. Impact: The Shah’s indecisiveness led to a power vacuum that was so dramatic, it could have been the premise of a Netflix series. Popcorn sales skyrocketed as everyone waited for the next episode of 'Who’s in Charge?'. Fact: The Shah's crisis management strategy was like a bad sitcom where the laughs just never come..
• Headline: Hopes Fading for a Negotiated Settlement in Iran as Shah Turns to Army. Impact: The Shah's decision to rely on the military marked the beginning of a chaotic era in Iran that would inspire countless Hollywood scripts about revolutions and heroic uprisings. Thanks for the drama, Shah!. Fact: Ordering the military to take over is basically the adult version of throwing a tantrum when you don't get your way..
• Headline: Teng Begins Southeast Asian Tour To Counter Rising Soviet Influence. Impact: Teng's Southeast Asian tour laid the groundwork for future diplomatic trips that would end up being more about photo ops than actual negotiations. Who needs substance when you have a nice backdrop?. Fact: Teng's tour was so well-planned that even the travel brochures had a better chance of changing history than some of the policies discussed..