AUGUST 8, 1978

Full News Archive

• Headline: ACLU Backs Local Residents' Legal Challenge. Impact: If the ACLU hadn't supported that group, we might have ended up with a world where legal ads were hidden in the fine print, leading to a rise in conspiracy theories about government cover-ups in local newspapers. Next thing you know, people are fearing the mailman!. Fact: The ACLU was founded in 1920, which makes it older than most people’s understanding of what 'freedom of speech' truly means..
• Headline: Pope Paulus Sixtus' Lasting Legacy. Impact: Pope Sixtus's commitment and dedication probably inspired future popes to write even longer encyclicals. Thanks to him, we now have multiple generations of bored college students trying to decipher papal documents instead of studying for exams.. Fact: Did you know Pope Sixtus V was known for his ambitious building projects? Because nothing screams 'spiritual leadership' like a new basilica!.
• Headline: Smith Narrowly Misses Individual‐Medley Record. Impact: Debra Forster’s near-record could have sparked a global obsession with swimming records, leading to a bizarre trend where people start timing their laps while simultaneously trying to break the world record for the longest snack break.. Fact: Swimming records are so competitive that athletes sometimes have to train in shark-infested waters just to get a taste of danger. Who needs adrenaline when you have a stopwatch?.
• Headline: Advertising. Impact: The rise in 2D-QR revenues foreshadowed the digital marketing apocalypse, where every product you buy comes with a QR code that leads to a 20-minute video explaining the existential crisis of the potato.. Fact: 2D-QR codes were invented in 1994, but it took us until the pandemic to realize they could be used for anything other than tracking your pizza delivery..
• Headline: Patricia Harris Balks at Testifying. Impact: Harris's second refusal to testify was probably the moment future leaders decided that playing 'hard to get' with Congress was the new political strategy. Spoiler: it never works out well.. Fact: Harris was known for her fiery speeches. Just imagine the chaos if she had actually shown up to testify – we might have had a political duel on our hands!.
• Headline: It's Technology to the Rescue of Drive‐In Movie Theaters. Impact: The push for technology in drive-ins probably resulted in a chain reaction leading to today's home theaters, where everyone thinks they can replicate the cinematic experience in their living rooms. Spoiler alert: they can’t.. Fact: Drive-in theaters were once the epitome of romance; now they’re just a nostalgic memory for those who remember the struggle of balancing popcorn and a date..
• Headline: Critic's Notebook. Impact: The petition for landmark status may have inadvertently inspired a generation of modern artists to create wildly impractical installations, further complicating the art scene with works that make you question your life choices.. Fact: Landmark status can sometimes prevent buildings from being renovated, which is great for history but terrible if you were hoping for modern plumbing..
• Headline: Meanwhile, Drive‐In Restaurants Fade Away. Impact: The decline of drive-in restaurants could have sparked a culinary renaissance for fast food, leading to the bizarre pop culture phenomenon of gourmet burger chains. Because nothing says 'fine dining' like a drive-thru.. Fact: Drive-in restaurants were all the rage in the '50s; now they’re just a fond memory for those who miss being served burgers without ever leaving their cars..